Sobering.

the day when i woke up.

a voice told me not to be pathetic anymore. grab my guitar and worship till my heart is at peace.

i thank God for these things to happened, maybe its really for me to sober up and come back right with God.

went clubbing with church frens.( the irony of it..LOL)

frens to me to f***ing sober up. ( i'll try not to swear so much..trying..LOL)

its good for me to get stuck in uni for the annual CPR for CFs last fri and sat..

force me to sit and deal with God. im like a rebellious kid with God.lol..nvrtheless, He did not leave me. His mercy is Awesome.

''the prodigal kid''- lol...i've replace the son to the kid..lol..just so that it would fit me better..

im cutting down my alcohol intake already. trying..,
in a short time.. Stella Atornis, Bombay Sapphire, Gin and Tonic, Tiger, Punching bag, Guitar, Night, Darkness have been my temporary company..but now they're not anymore.


frens, thank You for sticking up with me even with my endless f***ing emoness...esp my roomate and flatmates, ed and jy..terence esp.

love you all soooooo muchies. cu all soon.

sadisticly happy.

that day that day, the other days,

messed up, fucked up, scared, guilt, pain, stabbing pain, sick, faint, emo, sad, cry, hurt, alone, loveless, angry, beer, alcohol, vodka, tiger, drive, speed, tears, fear, sleep, breaking.

it felt good, punching the punching bag until my knuckles bleed. i see blood, i laugh, i felt good, no more numbness, just pain. it felt so good, wanna cont punching but shi wei and alice stopped me when they saw me punching it again. my fingers and knuckles still hurts, it felt good.

my guitar is my baby now. play before i sleep, play after class. my baby loves me. probably the only one...and..yea..Jesus..lol..

yea. thats all.

the more i love anyone, i tend to hurt them..mum, dad, sis, frens..

dissapointment, pathetic fren, daughter, worst case gurlfren. LOL~

such resume of my life. wonder what God would say if im dead.

new sem

ahhh....sem start d...!

so hard...2nd day got 100 percent base coursework dy...3000 words...on hawthorn studies!

then dengan extreme-nya, financial accounting is...100 percent exam base?!

argh...shit shit shit...

so lil class...four days class but workload heavy sia.

everything is the same, but its actually not..so many things happened in foundation..as though its..just like a dream.

my fucked up story.

Lex

So happy,
we were,
lovers holding hands,
like there's nothin else in this world,
then there's an argument,
over sumone's love triangle,
oh the torment..!

what you've said,it seems like you're blind,
all the expectations,
i want to talk to u face to face, and stop arguing,
you've thought that i dont want you anymore.
you dun have the guts to tell me on the face but sms-ed me.
then you told our frens that i've dump you.


cookie monster

we were friends indeed,
hearing each other's thoughts and pains,
but unfortunately,
nothing was gain,
because you deserve more than me,

i've stayed away because i was selfish,
i did not understand you,
and my biggest regret is not trying hard enough.
i cant regret, regretting cant do anything,


there are times,i felt old because of the way i think, principles clashed.i am stubborn, and egoistic.
but the times when im with you are true.

but for this, i am willing to give up anything for the chance again.


i am a very selfish gurl, esp in relationships. how can i love others if im like this? i dont deserve anybody. i dont know how to love. what is love anyway? hahaha... pathetic lover. i follow too much to my emotions without thinking and end up fucking my life, and worst..others. save me, save me from myself.


for rooster,

you heard my story. dun be stubborn this time for once. dont pursue it anymore. im not worth it. and i dont want to include you in my list of the ppl i will or would hurt. im sorry.


of all the things that i've done. best for me now is to sit in the corner and study. and not get involve in any closer-than-frens-relationships.

tagged by RachL.

Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation. Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.



1) The age you'll be on your next birthday. ( ahh..donut bday cake...sweet)


2) A place you'd like to travel ( places like Ireland and New Zealand)



3) Your favorite place. ( Islands..where no one could disturb you when ur with that special sumone or just with frens..=)


4) Your favorite food (Spanish Tapas!... >_< why oni got one pic oni..)


5) Your favorite pet ( its easy to rare, and they dont bite..=)


6) Your favorite color combination ( all colors combination!) =)


7) Your favourite piece of clothing ( i love denim miniskirts!)


8) Your all time favourite song ♫♪ Pink RAWKs..esp her new song..LOL♫♪ damn hot in this pic aso...=)


9) Your favorite TV show


11) The town you live ( in kl city, cant tell u much...hahah..malaysia's not only a ''jungle'' country..)


12) Your first job ( in bangsar..)


13) Your dream job ( to work for Square Enix (creator of Final Fantasy)as their animation character design artist..!)


14) A bad habit you have ( nap in the car...only when im at most comfortable state)


or most probably not napping...just...hehe..swearing...


15) Your worst fear (interpret it what u see)


16) The one thing you'd like to do before you die ( find my bestfriend aka husband aka lover..can i have three in one? )
wait..if i found him..i dun wanna die...lol




i tag: Swee Loo, Ash, Alice, Shi wei, Jonan, jhen..

Tagged by Ivy.

a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
c. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
d. Put any comments in the brackets after the song name.
e. Put this on your blog.

The questions:
1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” Atomic Kitten-Cradle..LOL( yea..i nid sumone to cradle after that open-my-heart-and-rip-it-apart conversation)
2. How would you describe yourself? Avril Lavigne-The best damn thing?! ( WTH)lol
3. What do you like in a guy/girl? Yuzo Hayashi-Mawaridasu Sharin (soundtrack from Honey and colver..honey and clover type of guys?)
4. How do you feel today? Yuki-Dramatic( Honey and CLover Opening theme, huh..the last things i wanna hear is the word dramatic...)
5. What is your life’s purpose? Kotoko-Princess Bride??! WTF?! ( no WAY...!>_<'')
6. What is your motto? Astrud Gilberto-The Shadow of your smile ( what?)
7. What do your friends think of you? Maroon 5- makes me wonder( hahahahhaha...true for mr.rooster oni ya?)
8. What do you think of your parents? Day After Tomorrow-My Faith ( what??)
9. What do you think about very often? DA PUMP-Rain of Pain ( i think about pain often?? hahhaa...sadistic)
10. What is 2+2? Rascal Flatts-Nothing (wow...so smart!) lol...coincidence...
11. What do you think of your best friend? Maroon 5- Wont Go Home Without You..( awww..)
12. What do you think of the person you like? Lifehouse- BLIND..(bwahahahahaha...gd one gd one!)
13. What is your life? Yuzo Hayahi-Shoshite,Aridasu ( find out urslf in jap..^^)
14. What do you want to be when you grow up? Maroon 5- Wake up call (means im sleeping all this while?? LOL)
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like? Aria the ANIMATION round table featuring Nino-Rainbow (aw...so colourful...he gave me colour when the sky is raining...or he came me the colour red..when im angry or annoyed by him?hmm)
16. What will you dance to at your wedding? Natalie Imbruglia- Be with YOu..( hmm...what a old skool song...LOL by the time im married..this song would be so old..LOL)
17. What will they play at your funeral? Yuzo Hayashi-Raison d'etre ( coincidently..its a organ musical..sumthin like dracula song..LOL)
18. What is your hobby/interest? Jason Mraz- Life is Beautiful ( hahaha..my interest is life..yes..in a way =))
19. What is your biggest fear? BBMak- Back Here (lol...back where?)
20. What is your biggest secret? M2M- Don't Say You Love Me (strange..this should be my biggest worry..)
21. What will you post this as? Take That- Rule The World ( what? dun make any sense..anyway..the whole blog dont..LOL)
22. What song would you play during your first time having sex? Natalie Imbruglia- Amelia ( what? threesome? lol...no la..this song i dun really like...can i shuffle it again? dun wanna play this song for my 1st time or whatever time is it..i wont play this...LOL)

haha..i cheated the last one..i wanted it to be...this song ~

Maroon 5- Nothing Last Forever.

i tag:

swee loo
shi wei
celestia
rach l


enjoy! =)

New.

New Phase of life.

starting degree next week..(*eekkk!!!) guess what? whole foundation in business..so farr..the ppl take enrol BA (HONS) BUSINESS ECONOMICS AND MANAGEMENT would be....tadaaaaa! me...SOb...yes...lilme.

new apartment, new room...no more excellent view on guys playing futsal or basketball anymore...SOB SOB...!
new roomate..aliceeeee! =)

new image, new look..dun give a flyin' f*** on what ppl say what i wear.

but same o attitude..

also..goin to get a new freelance job..including photography. and blog updating..and facebook updating. maybe also as a net trader..duno how much this company would pay me since they were the ones that called me.

im scared. so many things happened...hahahhaa..jus abit nervous..cant sleep..

i forsee that i would end up in deep shiat again..

cant get attached!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone slap me.

Favourites.

Indescribable by chris tomlin

Em Dsus/F# G G2
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Am Am7/G F
Creation's revealing Your majesty
Em Dsus/F# G G2
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Am Am7/G F
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
C2
All exclaiming

G Dsus
Indescribable, uncontainable,
C2 Em
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
C2
You are amazing God
G G2 Dsus
All powerful, untameable,
C2 Em
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
C2
You are amazing God

Em Dsus/F# G G2
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Am Am7/G F
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Em Dsus/F# G G2
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Am Am7/G F
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
C2
None can fathom

G Dsus
Indescribable, uncontainable,
C2 Em
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
C2
You are amazing God
G G2 Dsus
All powerful, untameable,
C2 Em
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
C2
You are amazing God

G Dsus
Incomparable, unchangeable
C2 Em
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
C2
You are amazing God
C2
You are amazing God

Ending of SummerBreak.

So many things happened..LOL...this is my 1st summer break..after looking back these 3 months..wow..

vast changes are..

Physically:
-my hair..lol..longer, diff colour..
-im wearing contacts..

Experiences:
many..this one..
-i went to aussie and experienced Melbourne city and the ppl around the city
-experienced winter..! ate Scones..went candy shopping! or shuld i say..Lollies
-worked..lol..so happy!
-clubbing around~
-raleigh-ing around =)
-made so many new frens from around the world.
-learn much bout mountain climbing and trekking
-picked back my drum skills.
-learn to earn sum money
-meet some really interesting ppl =)

hmm..things changed..i wonder how al my frens look like..sum even after NS..lol... *wink Wink..
is gd to go back to notts again, but im sure i'll miss the rooster. =p
i realy had fun from:

sunway experiences with shi wei, van and alice! =)
the curve,pavilion,maison,euphoria, with rence.
raleighing at Ara damansara, selling donuts..
lafuma blogging for bucks..
Aussie trip with Low family..( shucks..! the pics)

hahaha..cant wait to start.. =) cu nott ppls..!

irony

hm..

some wants to live, some want to waste it all,

at times i felt i'm in both situation at different times

condolences to Mr Chong.

life offers so much more..sumtimes i just dont see it.

welcome

I made this widget at MyFlashFetish.com.

so true.

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow



" Our biological physical life is from your parents; but it does not mean your life would be the same if you do nothing about it. you can lose your life that had be given to you by treating it indifferently, or you could leave your life by commiting suicide. You have to feed it and nurture it, but always remember that you are not making it but only to keep a life that you've got from someone else [parents, ever heard of Reproduction?] In the same context, Christian could also lose the Christ-life which has been put into him, and he is responsible to keep it. Even though the 'best' Christian that ever lived in this world is not acting by his own strength-he is only nourishing or protecting a life that he could never accquired with his own effort...if u cut a live body , and up to a certain degree,it would heal itself. a live body still gets hurt if you cut it, but in an extent, it can repair itself. In the same context again, Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, it is never perfect, but a man who is enable to repent and pick himself up and continue over and over again after each fall; because the Christ-life is INSIDE of him all the time, enabling him to repeat( in some degree) the kind of voluntary death which Christ Himself carried out. .."

(LEWIS, C.S, What Christians Believe,Harper Collins, 2005)

this is for Mike Guglielmucci.

Expressing myself.

no words can describe me from what im feeling right now.

the closest one was..i cant function properly anymore.

injuring yourslf physically is even better than frens hurting u emotionally.
trust me. i've tried.

if there is a hole or a corner that i could stay forever without hurting anyone's feeling, i would go there.

by the way, this goes out to the ppl that want me nonexistant...lol...yes..i knew there are many out there

im trying to achieve everything that i once wanted to do..so that when the time is right, yes. i would die. so then there's no hurting anymore. you wont get pissed off at me. you wont get upset at me, you wont even think i'll exist.

d day when i saw you. it was sincere smile and a hug. im sorry if your anger and hurt betrayed the sincerity that comes from me. you say that i am two-face. i cant disagree, coz i am not a perfect human. i knew that. and yes, however small my dignity was to you..i still have it.

the other part,it was a misunderstanding. i was also blinded by anger at the time when i met you with your boyfren. i was hurt. why cant u recognise me at all? im just saying this for my part. at least you would know how i felt. even if u dont care.

but the past is past,what i want to say is..i thank God for your beautiful life. that you have a boyfren that loves you so much and vice versa. frens in school that love you and will not betray you. family that will love you forever. a future family in law that also loves you so much. i pray that the happiness would not end after form 6 and all. i pray that you would have a blessed life. i thank God for letting me be your fren for the most of primary skool and also secondary school years. i pray that you would have a brilliant life ahead in your life. our frenship would part here, but i would always remember you as my fren. (or a fake fren to you)

im not writing all this to get ur forgiveness and all nor to get sympathy from people. this is MY blog. i am free to express myself as anyone else does.

tagged by Alice

tagged by Alice.. =)

Starting time : 1.58pm (shh..im at the workplace)
Name : Mabel Kuan Pei Wern
Sisters : One
Brothers : non blood relative, two.
Shoe size : 3-4.5 (damn small rite??)
Height : 156cm
Where do you live : cheras..
Favourite drinks : fruit juices, jasmine tea, milk, and bacardi, stella artornis, absolut vodka..LOL
Favourite breakfast : Scramble eggs! =P

Have you,
ever been on a plane : Yeap
Swam in the ocean : yesh! it was so best..lol
Fallen asleep in school : countless times..
Broken someone's heart : yesh..including myslf.
Fell off your chair : Nyea..did once..lol..in the lecture hall sumore.. >_<
Sat by the phone and waiting for someone to call : haha..i would hold the phone until i fell asleep..
What is your room like : tons of BOOKs..messy..i love my bed..=)
What's right beside you : cds, tissue box(flu la), cap( forgotten to put it back)
What is the last thing you ate : porridge..

Ever had ,
Chicken pox : yeap..when i was 8 i think..
Sore throat : Yea, now..lol
Stitches : i have 5 stiches on my eyebrows/eyes.
Broken nose : nah...thank God..lol i love my nose..=P
Do you : Believe in love at first sight : ah..i duno.
Like picnics : in australia i would. no ants and sandflies and mosquitos and flies..

Who was,
were the last person you danced with : terence.haha
Last made you smile : lets see..i forgotten..its been long ive smile.
You last yelled at : shi wei..lol..sorry..>_<

Today did you,
Talk to someone you LOVE : mommy
Kissed anyone : nope.
Get sick : i got sick yest for looking at the stars for 3 hrs outside the civil engineering site..lol..with jojo, shiwei and alice!
Talk to an ex : yeah..does msg counts?
Miss someone : yes.
Eat : yeap..lil but still ate.
Best feeling in the world : get to speak with God.. =)
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : yeap..i have super tons of them..LOL
What's under your bed : again...books..! lol
Who do you really hate : hate ppl like me.
What time is it now : 5.01 pm

5 things i was doing 10 years ago (hmm..i was..9 yrs old)
1. playing hockey.
2. playing chasing with the guys
3. dealing with eating disorder
4. fighting with ivan..lol
5. play badminton
6. cycling around with my frens
7. reading books..(some things dont change huh..lol)
8. dunid to study aso get good marks..lol
9. love spending my sat and sun with my parents...shopping!
10. no worries and all. =)

5 things on my to-do list today
1. drink lotsa water
2. eat
3. drink barley
4. blog
5. chat with christopher, my cousin bro.

5 snacks i enjoy
1. ice cream (CHOCOLATE or BOYSENBERRY...) yum yum*
2. famous amos cookies..~
3. apples..=)
4. Chocolates!!!!
5. then others depending on my mood..lol

5 things i would do if i were a billionaire
1. INVEST INVEST INVEST...LOL..bwahahaha..more moniessssss
2. charity work for kids and single mothers..set of places for them to work and live.
3. Travel around the world with my family and extended families and frens..=)
4. buy things that i cant buy now..lol
5. build a business empire..lol


5 of my bad habits
1. i swear alot, as in..ALOT.
2. i like to sratch my head while studying..lol
3. i eat alot.
4. i have very bad mood swings
5. i musttry not to stare at ppl with my killer stare when im irritated or angry.

5 places i have lived in
1. Cheras
2. University of Nottingham Malaysia campus Tioman Hall I1B59C
3. University of NOttingham Malaysia campus Tioman Hall I1B36C
4. oh yea..National Service 2nd batch, kem Miri, Miri..bravo quarters.
5. ah..thats about it..LOL

5 people i'm tagging is
1. rach L
2. Ivy
3. Jhen
4. Jonan
5. and anyone who reads my blog..lol

whoa.

giant ferrero rocher!

thanks kenny..cheered me up a lil =)

Giant Ferrero Rocher

enjoy.