reflection

Mabel Kuan is trying to deny herself, picking up the Cross even though it sometimes its so heavy, stumbling to following the Author of Love.

God has blessed me with so many many things in my life, i don't know where to start.

He has given me responsibilities that i've never known i could do, frankly, without His help, i confidently say i couldn't. He was like a pillow to me, granting me rest when i need the most. He never and will not ever leave me. He is making miracles in UNMC CF. i believe God has prepare each Christians in UNMC for something great. i can feel it, but i still cant see it coz God has not revealed it entirely yet. Its so excited!

Yet, even outwardly i am wasting away, i felt like inwardly i am being renewed day by day by Him, i thank Him again. He gave me amazing emotional strength to go on despite problems that i am facing and He is rebuilding my relationship with my family. Its a great improvement for me.

Friends,

do not give up in anything that you are trying to do. even sometimes you felt lonely and tired, always remember that the Lord is always with you no matter what. whatever things that you had done, its not too big for His mercy and love. He is Grace, He is love. He knows and He still loves. Never underestimate His ability to love.

Friends,

i apologised for not being a example to everyone as a christian. i know i failed in many ways. i am sorry that i cause people to stumble because of my ways. Old habits are hard to die, but they don't mean that they don't die, its just abit harder that usual. grant me patience and self-control, by God's grace, i pray that i could be more like Him.


May the Grace of God, the Love of Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with You all.

New Sem for Year 2.

heyheyhey..Year 2 is here!

im really happy that i get to go back to uni and meet my frens and meet New frens and everything...buttt....sigh, its gonna be hectic!

then now i cant really spend much time with my other frens who is not from uni anymore...

i need to choose which optional module and fast!...sigh...

i need to lose my fats..seriously.

i have to keep track on what ive spend...sigh...

growing up is such a pain in the ass.

haha, gurls are seriously special.

Surfing along the internet and the facebook, of course i kinda notice sumthin.

although alot of gurls would actually disagree with me, i dun mind coz this wont apply to everyone. its just my personal view.
the gurls that i've observed are randomly selected and not spesificly mention, just generally, if anyone of u are offended, i am truly sorry, i dont mean to hurt anyone.

i found out that alot of gurls that ive met long time ago when they were single, they were hard, fierce ( not the fierce angry cat fierce) but more to determination kinda fierce, the kind of energy that the emit a kind of passion that they need to succeed in accomplishing sumthin in their own life. after a few years, when everyone has their own thing to do, meeting back them through fb or face to face, i've notice some of them has been refined, more subtle, more ladylike, and most of all, more sexier, as they had discover they could move a person's heart by their looks. alot of them did not notice, or havent discover the power or some say 'talent' in them. when i talk to most of them, i felt so happy for them..esp for those who told me that they couldnt find the other half to share their life with, but hey, life is still along way to go, and im happy for those who already found sumone that love them as much as a human could, and accept them for who they are, regardless of their attitude, looks and personality. Loving sumone or accepting the love from someone else makes a person shine, because they felt appreciated i guess. and i've seen their pretty faces smile while mentioning that special person that they had in mind, it automatically makes me smile too.=)

for the rest of the gurls that havent..take note ( HAVENT, not NEVER) lol..embrace your life with joy and gladness because that's what will attract the right guys at the right time. having a person to share your life could be awesome, but being with yourself and take time to discover who you really are is even more enlightening. i took the time off for a year and ive discover amazing things about myself, and i thought that i knew myself more than anyone, spend time with God and having a awesome time to know more about His Majesty is the time that i rediscover myself more than anything. Take a break from everything and just relax and talk to Him is enough for a whole session of physcotherapy. lol..trust me, coz He is Your creator, and He knows your deepest darkest secrets, your greatest fear and your hopes and dreams. the most awesome thing is, He knows everything AND He still wants You to be His beloved daughter. Nothing can separate You and Him but Your own decision, whether to accept Him then He will take away everything that hurts you, or you would just be back at square one? Will you open to Him with His open arms or are you sticking urself back to that hellhole? i dont know about you but i think the 1st suggestion is much nicer..lol.

and when the right time comes, (when is the Right time?) i dont know, He knows, (impatient?) pray for patience, in a meanwhile, do sumthin that you love and dont worry, life is too short for so much worrying. Be confident and smile even when the world gives you shit at times, but if there were no shits, then you wont know that ur living in this sick sick world..lol.

Champagne Supernova-Oasis

One of my current favourite songs.

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky
Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams, she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(guitar solo)
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(a really long guitar solo)
(background - sounds like a bunch of "No"'s)
(birds chirping)
(more guitar)
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
We were getting high <-- 9 times, background "Oooh-oooh"
(Fades out 7th-9th times to just one "Oooh-oooh")
(Song gets really quiet, fades to a peaceful guitar solo.)

Pondering

i realise how fragile a life is.

like a rose, beautiful yet fragile.

a reminder for people that complaints about how bad life is, including myself sometimes, that there is more to life than just complaints.

live for a purpose, set a purpose and you will know why God place you here for a special reason.


a smile to a random stranger could even change his ways or thoughts, smile is infectious, in a very good way. =)


learn to appreciate simple things in life, take a break and watch flower weeds growing at the side of the roads, wondering at even that harsh of a condiiton, it still finds a way to bloom despite its circumstances.


learn to love the people that you find the hardest to love, because those are the people that needs more love than ever.


if you're missing sumone badly that had left this world, be glad because they are watching you from above.


dreams are blueprints for extraordinary things that have yet to happen.


live to love and likewise, love to live, not knowing when we would leave this world.


learn to appreciate the people around you, dont take things for granted, dun leave spaces for regrets.

rest in peace, Gary Leon Robert.

facebook is sure useful. somewhat..

most of the time, facebook tells us who's with who, who went where, who went out with who, all the happy happy stuffs..oh, sumtimes it has who broke up with who and sad stuffs like that..but who would want to have a post or a link post saying that your friend had passed away?



after a long tired day, i received a very shocking news.

a dear friend of mine, her brother had passed away.
its just too shocking. far too shocking. 22 years old, no sickness, was running for a adidas event, king of the road. collaspe, then missing, found dead at the stadium basement.


http://www.mstar.com.my/berita/cerita.asp?file=/2009/8/3/mstar_berita/20090803211452&sec=mstar_beritahttp://forum.lowyat.net/topic/1117234

it just make me realise how fragile this life could be.

he is just 22 years old, a whole life ahead of him, a bright future.

i hope there's more investigation follow-up on his case.


May God continue to bless her family with Strength and courage to handle this situation. O Lord, please grant them peace and let Your presence be known to them. Lord, You are a justice God, and he is your son. Please grant the officers the wisdom to handle this situation. May Your hands be apon those that is involved. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

Lost memories.

been springcleaning for the past few months..

guess what? ive lost two of my quite most important thing..

1. my black notebook.
written everything from my new ideas for my dream business, to my most inner personal moments (hey, i'm still old fashion pen-and-paper kinda person) and my poems.

2. my Ziljian BlackSkulls pair of Drumsticks. luckliy i stil have my promark and travis barker's white drumsticks..
at least this i can buy back but still, i have fond memories with this drumstick..bitemarks n everything! lol..note: im no dog. "bitemarks" by the drum.

sigh..thats the bad news. psst..: anyone that found any of those items..tell me please? will be rewarded..see how badly i wanna find back this two beloved things of mine? T_T

good news is..my dad bought me a jigsaw puzzle! its so cute, it has 1000 pieces. (hmm..to occupy my sien-ness at home!)

ahahaha..but still..i still long for my two stuffs..

annoyed..

today i went to the pets fair in midvalley..damn lotsa ppl

so many cute cats and dogs...and lil newts too! ahhh...i nearly bought them back...

then got free samples of dog food for my dogs..brought it back gave them to eat..august had fish and rice at 1st, then shadow got fish and potato..then i just gave them in their dogbowls.

then funny thing is, my mum ask me to switch coz the one that i gave shadow was bit smaller bites compare to august, my mum put it since august is old so she ask me to switch it..so i did, guess what? august barked at shadow for 'stealing' is food, and he did not touch his switched food. then go and fight with shadow for his food. then with a sigh, i changed back..i told my mum and my sis said that coz august is a chinese dog..lol..fish and rice..shih tzu originated from china ma..then shadow, originate from germany thats why he likes fish and potato...weird.

while i was upstairs, then suddenly my sis called me, then i did not hear what she says later, i ask what, she didnt reply, then annoyed i went down..she ask me to watch a vid clip on Michael Jackson..i was annoyed coz i dun wanna watch it and that time she didnt tell me why i have to go downstairs, i told her then my mum told me off. she kept saying that she heard my sis ask me to go down to watch that stupid clip but i did not hear it then my mum keep insisting why im being so difficult. its just annoying. i parked my butt on my seat happily on9ling just to move coz i duno what my sis want from me. and she ask me to watch a stupid vid clip.

......

Hospital Date? lol

hmm..ive just showered and im tired..but happy. =)

today was the day that my mum made an appointment for me n Wei Ern to see a bone specialist in a Hospital. it started out like this, last few weeks, ive start having pain on my knees, sumtimes to the point of numbness and it made me quite difficult to walk. it all due to the injury that i have during the easter play and the basketball training that i had. not to mention previous injuries that ive suffered since i was 17.

i found out that my tendon is still weak and i need to properly care for my knee before doin any sports..and as for wei ern, this second appointment has confirm that his knee needs an operation. they found out that his 2 ligamen on his knee was teared and they need to fixed it back before its too late. so after our Langkawi trip, he has to do his operation most probably on 13th July...lets pray that this operation will be a successful one so that he could cont to play whatever sports ( esp squash..lol...) he likes...>_<

so the day before the appointment i was talking to him on the phone dicussing on sum random topic about our past injuries that we had during our childhood...it was funny because we both had injuries on the same body part..lol..ecg. both our right knee, left brow we both had a scar and we both hurt our left hand. we found it extremely hilarious because of the coincidence.

anyway, after we left, we went back home to fetch my sis and then me my mum and wei ern head down to klcc. went there to eat, buy books then went to watch movie coz my mum want to watch transformer..3 of us watch for the second time..still a great movie, lol..but my mum was abit dizzy coz of too many actions in the movie. then we had dinner and we head back to our house. psst..! KLCC parking damn expensive! rm 20.50 for 8 hrs...lol

we all had a great time and im glad that my mum is ok with wei ern..lol...and vice versa.

sigh, and i bought my jeans! yay...~ lol

the longest tag ever...sweat..by ivy..lol

1.My Name : Mabel Kuan

2.My Birthday : 4th January

3.Who tagged you : Ivy

4.Name 5 best friends : i dun have best frens..i have close frens..coz all of them are best! =p

5.What do you wished for birthday : still have a few months to go..let me think..lol

6.Happy things that happened recently : i got my results and i get to proceed to year 2 without resitting my papers.

7.Most stressed about recently : I want to see Wei Ern. lol..that made me stress...coz i cant see him that often..

8.What is your dream about future : My love ones would be in good health.

9.Do you have someone you like : haha..yeap

10.Will you visit your ex-teacher in a classmate gathering : depends on which teacher.

11.Most happy to hang out with : The ppl that i love.

12.If two of your friends are having conflicts : be their listener if they want sum1 to listen but will not try to solve it, coz it will work out eventually..

13.Where is preferably the place to go with your lover : Anywhere, lol..as long as im with him.

14.What to do in Christmas : Eat! carolling! EAt! lol...get pressies!

15.Who do you want to celebrate Christmas with : spend it with my frens and family.

16.Bad habit on waking up early in the morning : i will yawn alot...my eyes will be half close..lol

17.How many siblings do you have : one.

18.Favourite song(Female) : ahahahaha..Lady GAGA's newest single...no la..its actually Again by Yui.

19.Favourite song(Male) : John Legend Ordinary ppl.

20.Favourite Colour : earth colours? depends on my mood..

21.Flush before using the toilets? : depends.

22.Love me not? : love hu?

23.Affectionate to guys or girls : both.

24.What do you want to shout out loudly : I'm sweating! argh!

25.Do you dare to go toilets alone in the middle of the night? : Yeap.

26.Will you take off your undies in while in the WC : uhh..depends what im doin inside there? what kinda lame ass quest is tis? Ivy...! lol

27.Who’s the bastard : The rude ones.

28.What’s the current affection : Affection for my skin..sobsob..

29.Ugly when asleep: maybe...with my drool and snoring, i bet not..! lol..

30.Whats the time now : 9.46pm

31.Do you hate the person who tagged you : irritated why she tagged me this stupid long post..! LOL~

32.Weight : 45kg?

33.Weather today : felt like in sum oven or sumthin...

34.Are you pregnant : wtf..not now.

35.What will you do if you win a lottery : INvest! LOL~bwaahahah

36.An activity that must be done while in the Uni -life : DOTA n basketball..of course..lepaking n study too..lol

person in ur mind now:

1. wei ern
2. ivy
3.merissa
4. joanne
5.wy hoong
6.shi wei
7. alice
8.wayne
9.hock ann
10.ck

01-?Does no.4 know no.6??: yeap!

02-?No.10 is a male or??: hahaha..i didnt check but im sure he's a male..lol

03-? The hobby of no.8?: ahahhaha...racing?

04-?Does no. 1 have any siblings?: yeap..!

05-?The surname of of no.7?: Liew

06-?Does no.10 have alot of friends??: yea? why this quest like no 10 so much? lol

07-?Anyone tackling no.4??: huhuhu..complicated ler...lol =p

08-?If no.2 is being introduced??: my gurl..lol

09-?The favourite colour of no.6?: blue..HOt pink..waakakakakaa

12-?Where is no.5 studying currently??: Notts

13-?How do you know no.10??: BBQ party for a gurlfren.

14-?Whats the difference between the birth month of no.1 and you??: 9 months...! lol...

15-?Ever hang out with no.9??: mamak fellowship..yea..!

16-?Do you like to chat with no.2??: yeap...she always giggles...that cheers me up..lol when i talk to her..

17-?Like to be with no.3??: YEAP! lol

18-?How do you think about no.7??: sadist..! lol and squirrel..ask joseph about it..lol~

19-?How do you think about no.9??: a good fren

20-?Do you love no.5??: as a fren, yes lol

1.Who tagged you with this questionnaire? : IVY la...~

2.How long have you known him/her : hm..since primary skool? lol~

3.Do you think that he/she is important to you? : Yeap!

4.Your relationship with him/her : friends la..=) gurlfrens.

5.Whats his/hers hobby? : EAting! ..lol..sorry ivy..! lol..playing with her cute puppy? lol

6.What do you think about his/her personality? : lovable!

7.His/her points of importance in your heart : wa..wat is this..everyone is important in my heart..=)

*1st thing before sleep : wash my feet, brush teeth n wash face.

*1st thing after awaking from sleep : grab my specs.

*Your idol : no idol..

*Favourite season : Spring.

*Worked part-time before? : Yes.

*Times worked : Once..if u count pay..lol

*Countries that wanted to go the most : rome..ireland..new zealand..

*Personality hated : rude, selfish

*Are you a crybaby? : yeap

*You laugh alot? : manically at times, yes..

*Do you like to go out alone? : When im emoing

*What time will you wake up if it's a holiday? : wahahaha..i wake when i wake.

*Today’s weather(Sunny Rainy Cloudy): Incredibly hot!

*Choose between Friends and Lover : friends, coz lover is my fren too..my bestie in fact.

*Choose between Chances and Fates : chances.

*Are you narcissist? : sumitmes..lol..when no one's looking.

*Is this questionnaire long? : Super!

*How to make yourself feel better every time? : food! and time with my boyfriend..or sleep.

*Favourite food : almost everything...except for slimey veggies, brinjals...eee

*Do you like ice? : Yes.

*Are you full of happiness? : im quite cloudy.

*Who are the friends that you care the most? : those are in trouble.

*What's the most important item in your bed room? : everything! lol

*Most consistent dream at sleep : nitemares.

*Will you forgive a guy that is mentally disobedient? : wahts mentally disobedient? meaning he cant controll being disobedient?

*Whats the meaning of life? : who know? im finding out myslf..

*Do you know?(See if you can answer this!): know that this questionnaire is stupid? Yes.

*When do you hate me? : i hate you when i do..(to the questionnaire)

*Like the day you were born or been into the society?: well, u cant change rite?

*Like Taoism or Confucianism? : neither

*Favourite cake? : Raspberry cheese..=)

*Can we stop this game now? : ...

*Do you like sardins? ^^ : yeap

*Who knows you the best? : God

*IQ higher or EQ? : lol...nerd.

*Computer or Mobile Phone : neither.

*Prefer to sleep or play? : Sleep.

*Friendster or Facebook? : Fb.

*Whats your wish right now? : be with him.

*Tired? : quite.

*Favourite drinks : pink lemonade.

untitled.

human love?
human carnal love,
catch in like a zhepyr,
such intense gust,
but just as a gust it will be.

human carnal love,
so intense,
but yet as fragile as a day's bloom of a flower,
longing to show the world its beauty,
but crumbling to dust only after later.

back after sooo long.

hey people..! cats...dogs..plants..lol

finally, im back..

i dont have the mood to write, and i was quite busy for the last few weeks after summer break has officially started..! lol..

i've been doin basketball trainings with the gurls that are now in Tri Notts Games in UK. pray that they will be in good health..by the looks of the pictures in facebook...hmm...they're good..lol (but sure alot of stories im yet to hear about...hehehehe...)

want to write on blog but frens stalled me...after not onlining for pleasure for so long...lol...ive forgotten my special ability of multitasking..lol

moving everything back to my home is one thing, placing them is another thing..lol..i ahve mountains of stuffs in my room and i can hear cockroaches singing in the dark! >_< damn those cockroaches...

so many things to do..but procrastinating..sigh..how how?

things to do

mabel needs to:

1. clear out SPM stuffs..(im serious! still got! LOL)
2. clean my desk
3. organise my books
4. clean out my closet
5. sleep sleep sleep! LOL

argh..>_<

untitled.

whoever corrects amocker invites insult;
whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse.
do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you;
rebuke a wise man and he will love you.
Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still;
teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.

proverbs 9:8

Easter

After a long chat with a few of my favourite people, they’ve made me realize something about myself.


It’s hard to admit, I have an ego as big as a guy and I’m always think I can almost do better than other people in terms of certain things. I seem to be confident if I am sure I could complete that certain task.

God has been trying to show me how to be humble and patience, and He even sent me a very special person in my life to remind me of a few things in life that I should always remember, is to be humble and to be in the grace of God. If it isn’t for Jesus, I could have been much worse. People always regard Christians in majority always being all holier than thou kinda attitude, but it truth, Christians need God because they are worse. i.e, me.

Take me for a perfect example, I swear, I’m egoistic, I’m impatient, I’m rude. I’m worse off than other people. I still find it hard for God to accept me and He is willing to let me be in His presence. But there He is, always with me even most of the times I had doubt and even abandon Him. I was the one that abandon Him instead of me.

Being the ‘victim’ of the upcoming Easter play in Nottingham University has lead me to think and reflect of all the things that I’ve went through in my life. For the 1st scene, for example, I have been tempted on lust, had my fair share on being a 1st degree of nearly being an alcoholic, always drinking in excuse of trying to defeat stress and depression. I’ve went through being too insecure of myself, discouraged, and always think bad about how I look. No matter anyone tells me that I am pretty or decent looking, I couldn’t accept it. Why? Some people asked me, because I ‘d always believe that beauty comes from the inside, and that’s why I’m not pretty, cause, I’m not pretty from the inside. It’s not that I’m being too ‘chinese’ by not accepting compliments, this is the real reason that I couldn’t accept this compliment. Committing suicide? Lol..yes. It crossed my mind so often until I’m wondering why I am still alive.

No matter what I’ve went through, whether it’s by my own doing or cause by other people, God was and is always with me. Why do I know that? Cause I’m still alive. It sounds cheesy but I can swear my life by it. He sends angels to talk to me, He shows me until I see it. My angels are so damn special in my life..earthly angels and heavenly angels the same too. Earthly angels would be my family members, my friends and loved ones. They gave me the reasons to live, to love and to cherish. They are you. ( yesh, you..reading this) =)

Blessed are those whom are poor in spirit.

Despite all those false accusations that are made by people, I pray that God would be my strength to go thru this time in my life. You have been there throughout my life for 20 years (even more), I will continue to learn to trust You, O Lord. I still believe that the truth will eventually reveal itself when the time is right. You are my strength when I am weak. Even though I look tough and hardy, but I’m still a fragile girl despite on how I look. Only You could see through me and fully understand on what I am going through in this period of time. I love You, Jesus. I cant comprehend with my puny pathetic human mind on why do You choose to die for me for my sins. All I can do is come to You in awe reverence, no one could make me feel like You do. Therefore, Lord Jesus, I give You thanks for the times when You patiently wait for me with Your arms wide open, even with the shits that I’ve made and forgive me Lord for being so ignorant and stubborn to even acknowledge you. I’ve clearly been a fool but You choose to be with me. You are freakingly awesome.