Tuesday, August 26, 2008

tagged by Alice

tagged by Alice.. =)

Starting time : 1.58pm (shh..im at the workplace)
Name : Mabel Kuan Pei Wern
Sisters : One
Brothers : non blood relative, two.
Shoe size : 3-4.5 (damn small rite??)
Height : 156cm
Where do you live : cheras..
Favourite drinks : fruit juices, jasmine tea, milk, and bacardi, stella artornis, absolut vodka..LOL
Favourite breakfast : Scramble eggs! =P

Have you,
ever been on a plane : Yeap
Swam in the ocean : yesh! it was so best..lol
Fallen asleep in school : countless times..
Broken someone's heart : yesh..including myslf.
Fell off your chair : Nyea..did once..lol..in the lecture hall sumore.. >_<
Sat by the phone and waiting for someone to call : haha..i would hold the phone until i fell asleep..
What is your room like : tons of BOOKs..messy..i love my bed..=)
What's right beside you : cds, tissue box(flu la), cap( forgotten to put it back)
What is the last thing you ate : porridge..

Ever had ,
Chicken pox : yeap..when i was 8 i think..
Sore throat : Yea, now..lol
Stitches : i have 5 stiches on my eyebrows/eyes.
Broken nose : nah...thank God..lol i love my nose..=P
Do you : Believe in love at first sight : ah..i duno.
Like picnics : in australia i would. no ants and sandflies and mosquitos and flies..

Who was,
were the last person you danced with : terence.haha
Last made you smile : lets see..i forgotten..its been long ive smile.
You last yelled at : shi wei..lol..sorry..>_<

Today did you,
Talk to someone you LOVE : mommy
Kissed anyone : nope.
Get sick : i got sick yest for looking at the stars for 3 hrs outside the civil engineering site..lol..with jojo, shiwei and alice!
Talk to an ex : yeah..does msg counts?
Miss someone : yes.
Eat : yeap..lil but still ate.
Best feeling in the world : get to speak with God.. =)
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : yeap..i have super tons of them..LOL
What's under your bed : again...books..! lol
Who do you really hate : hate ppl like me.
What time is it now : 5.01 pm

5 things i was doing 10 years ago (hmm..i was..9 yrs old)
1. playing hockey.
2. playing chasing with the guys
3. dealing with eating disorder
4. fighting with ivan..lol
5. play badminton
6. cycling around with my frens
7. reading books..(some things dont change huh..lol)
8. dunid to study aso get good marks..lol
9. love spending my sat and sun with my parents...shopping!
10. no worries and all. =)

5 things on my to-do list today
1. drink lotsa water
2. eat
3. drink barley
4. blog
5. chat with christopher, my cousin bro.

5 snacks i enjoy
1. ice cream (CHOCOLATE or BOYSENBERRY...) yum yum*
2. famous amos cookies..~
3. apples..=)
4. Chocolates!!!!
5. then others depending on my mood..lol

5 things i would do if i were a billionaire
1. INVEST INVEST INVEST...LOL..bwahahaha..more moniessssss
2. charity work for kids and single mothers..set of places for them to work and live.
3. Travel around the world with my family and extended families and frens..=)
4. buy things that i cant buy now..lol
5. build a business empire..lol


5 of my bad habits
1. i swear alot, as in..ALOT.
2. i like to sratch my head while studying..lol
3. i eat alot.
4. i have very bad mood swings
5. i musttry not to stare at ppl with my killer stare when im irritated or angry.

5 places i have lived in
1. Cheras
2. University of Nottingham Malaysia campus Tioman Hall I1B59C
3. University of NOttingham Malaysia campus Tioman Hall I1B36C
4. oh yea..National Service 2nd batch, kem Miri, Miri..bravo quarters.
5. ah..thats about it..LOL

5 people i'm tagging is
1. rach L
2. Ivy
3. Jhen
4. Jonan
5. and anyone who reads my blog..lol

whoa.

giant ferrero rocher!

thanks kenny..cheered me up a lil =)

Giant Ferrero Rocher

enjoy.

Alive.

i want to run..run on to the fields..to the woods..to places that i dont know..

i want clean air..i want nottingham campus..

i want to feel the breez when i run..like im flying...

i want to play basketball with shi wei, alice n vanessa..

i love the feeling of rushed adredeline..

i want to punch the punching bag with alice n shi wei..

like i did when i punch till my knuckles bleed.

i want to paint shoes..

i want to draw again..

i want to play my drums and guitar..

and lose myself in music..my muse

i want to go back to kem miri, sarawak to kayak.

i want to be the watchwomen for the night in my NS camp to feel the breeze and watch the skies filled with stars.

i want to be back in kuala kubu, lie dwn on the road, to look at the shooting star..

i want to be in redang, hearing the waves crashin to the beach.

i want to be in redang, listening to God ask He speaks to me.

i want to listen to God speaking to me again.

i want to be in the rough seas, when God spoke to me, telling me not to be afraid.

i want to be in God's arms, when all things fail me.

empty.

in the dark,

whisper in the sky,

hoping that God would look at me in His eyes.

i wonder what does He see?

a speck of dust,

or wound full of puss?

although its not true,

indeed i know God love's so good,

but here am i still feeling blue.



my heart is hollow,

soon im afraid my mind would follow;

then were would i be?


oh yes, many people are around me,

cheerful sad or angry,

but why is my heart, so empty?


jonan, just because i have loads of frens, it don't give an excuse why i cant feel lonely.

happy father's day.

why does everything i do is not up to your standard at all?

like today's sis shopping for laptop. you were not there..u were working.

we search n found one, we're quite happy with it. but when u came back, only one comment that u gave.

'' Toshiba? i expected another brand..of all brand u all choose Toshiba?''

'' at least its not fujitsu..expensive and its not really gd based on your experience using it'' i've said.

and you gave me the look,

the look that always:

i was never too good for you.

i was borned a gurl. thats why grandpa n grandma dun care bout me. as though im just a shadow.

i was never pretty enough in your eyes.

i was never smart enough for you.

i was never a sweet and obedient enough as a daughter for you.

i was too head strong, too stubborn, but unfortunately i was not born as a boy.

i was never hardworking enough in your eyes.

in your eyes, i only know how to talk back. spend your money.

i got scholarship. you think the college is not gd enuf.

i spend 2 months to get scholarship in sumthin i wanted to do.

in two minutes, you objected me.

u put me in a uni that know im so confuse with my degree.

im so scared i would fail, fail to succeed in your eyes.

i love you dad.

but sumtimes its so hard to live in your expectations.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

humans.

haha..today...

i went out of the house at 9am...went out till 11.45pm.

i went for two gatherings today..both is also farewell..

in the morn, went to midvalley to fetch shi wei n alice..and vanessa, the watak utama..LOL
she's goin to UK soon to study so we plan to go out with her for this special occasion..we decided to go to sunway lagoon. (pics will be in facebook soon) had fun...really enjoyed ourselves, even when the weather's quite bad. it rain really heavily and long, nevertheless, it did not dampen our spirits..lol after a few spins and a few dips and plunges...LOL..we finally went for this Scream park..cool..but nid lots of improvements..at a point..i laugh during the game. suppose to be scary..LOL..but the 3D tunnel was cool...!!! then we had dinner at T.G.I Friday's...lol..dissapointed coz dun have MOCHA MUD PIE..finished when i went there with them.. =(

then at nite..after sending my frens home, i went to O town again in tmn midah..man...im like a regular customer dy at that place, its convenient for me and my frens..since they all live in cheras...my highskool frens, that is.. then we chat and all...they're as lame as ever! lol...gonna miss all of them, esp suet lai, since she's goin back to russia this tues...=(

anyway, went back home then check my mails and stuffs, then kenny found me and chat with me. he gave me a news in Aust. (which reminds me, i havent replied auntie rose..shit...!)

Disgraced pastor Michael Guglielmucci a porn addict

THE father of disgraced pastor Michael Guglielmucci has revealed his son has been addicted to pornography since the age of 12.

Danny Guglielmucci – whose high-profile preacher son last week week admitted his two-year battle with cancer was fake – said the "severe addiction to pornography" was part of a bizarre double life his son had been leading.

Mr Guglielmucci, who established Edge Church International, an Assemblies of God church in Adelaide, said Melbourne-based Michael had made a full confession to his family about his past, including revelations about the 16-year porn obsession and the lies over his supposed battle with terminal illness.

In an exclusive interview with Adelaide's Sunday Mail this week, Mr Guglielmucci also revealed:

HIS son has been suffering "mystery illnesses" since the age of 12.

DOCTORS gave his parents the option of admitting him to a psychiatric ward for assessment as a child over the ongoing "illnesses", but they refused.

THE family's "absolute shock" at discovering Michael was not terminally ill.

Mr Guglielmucci said he and wife Sharonne – who founded Edge Church International with him – were struggling to comprehend what their son had done.

They are expected to address the church's Adelaide congregation today to explain his actions.

"When (Michael) rang me last Tuesday, I was on my way to New Zealand," Mr Guglielmucci said.

"He said, 'Dad you've got to come and see me'.

"I said to my wife, 'Maybe the doctors have told him he's only got a few weeks to live'.

"So we cancelled everything and jumped on the plane and went to see him in Melbourne, and that's when he told us the story.

"We were just in absolute shock and we still are. We haven't had time to get our head around it. He said, 'I don't have cancer. I've had two lives that I've lived'.

"His wife (Amanda), who has been with him for seven years, found out the day before we did and she's had no idea.

"Michael has had a severe addiction to pornography. The addiction to pornography started when he was 12.

"It's horrendous because we don't have that sort of stuff around. He was raised in a Christian home; we've never brought that stuff into our home."

Michael Guglielmucci was one of Australia's highest-profile Christian preachers, inspiring hundreds of thousands around the world as he performed his hit song Healer with an oxygen tube in his nose.

He was a pastor with Planetshakers, a Christian youth movement that began in Adelaide and has grown into an international ministry.

But that all came crashing down this week when his deception became public.

Mr Guglielmucci said his son finally confessed after the guilt of his lies and addiction became overwhelming.

"He lived the two lives and he would get sick as a result of the guilt," he said.

"He was feeling like he was letting God down, letting his family down, his church, his friends.

"He's been living this for so long, feeling like he's had these two lives and now he's the one that's come out in the open. He confessed it, he didn't get caught.

"To deal with the guilt he would pour himself into doing good work. He's touched the lives of young people all over the world. Now they are all affected by this.

"He hasn't done this for any reasons that have been portrayed that he's a fraud.

"It was either keep pretending or come out with the truth and tell everything. He's come out with everything but now we've got the consequences of it all.

"We have to accept it. We're hoping to share with our congregation how it all started and how it got where it is.

"We understand people's anger, we understand their questioning.

"There's so many questions.

"An addiction like this is not going to be fixed overnight. You can't have a 16-year problem and fix it in a week."

Mr Guglielmucci said his son was undergoing psychiatric assessment with Adelaide doctors.

"They have said to me that he is very ill. They are assessing where reality stopped and fantasy kicked in and what's caused all this," he said.

"The doctor believes that at times Michael was totally convinced that he had this sickness."

Mr Guglielmucci said his son had a long history of "mystery illnesses", starting in childhood.

"When he was about 12 he did vomit all the time, he'd get really really sick," he said.

"He was in the Adelaide Children's Hospital for seven weeks at one stage; he didn't eat and we thought we were going to lose him.

"They took out his appendix, thinking that it might be that, but they realised that it wasn't.

"They gave us the option of putting him in a psychiatric ward to see if there was something psychological but we felt uncomfortable with that at the time.

"We signed him out from hospital and then he would go a few months and then he would get sick again.

"We'd always take him to hospital; we'd always do the proper thing but they couldn't get to the bottom of it until now."

Mr Guglielmucci said he and his wife were in "absolute shock" to discover their son was not terminally ill.

"We have watched our son go through what we thought was cancer," he said.

"My wife and I, over the past two years, have watched him vomit in buckets, having nosebleeds, and even his hair fell out in clumps at one stage.

"Every time we saw him, we saw symptoms. He stayed with us for a while where we had to put a special air-conditioner in one of the rooms because he would heat up so much in the middle of winter.

"He had this cold air-conditioner blowing on him to try to keep the heat down. As a professional minister I've stood in front of my congregation and cried and said to pray for my son.

"I've travelled the world asking people to pray for him. Can you imagine what a horrible thing it would be if I was playing a game?

"To be honest, I ask myself as a father, 'What did I miss, what did I not do? What could I have done better?' "

Mr Guglielmucci said Michael's wife was "getting really good counselling".

"She's not made any decision at this point," he said.

"It's happened so quickly. There's so many questions."


hm...shocking is it? for most of the people.. now i could hear ppl saying..
''wahhh..pastor aso can be like that wan ar!!!" or..
" aiiyerr...what news is this, such disgrace!!''

yes. its true. its dissapointing but.

he's still human. yesh, he suppose to be more "in the line" since he's an elder in church..bla bla bla...
did anyone still remember what the bible talks about?

1. forgiveness
okey, he f***** things up. but do anyone remember bout forgiving each other?
uh, for other ppl's info. Christians are also HUMAN. humans sin. its in their nature but God sent His only son to Die for all of us( yea, You too) to pay for our sins. (yes, white lie is considered as a sin, no matter how ''white'' your lie was and yes.rape and murder is also sins. nop, we have no grades for sin ie. ''you lie to your gurlfren that her cookies are yummy (but actually its hard like concrete) is still a lie or '' i've murdered sumone'' is also a sin. there's no lighter sentence or a heavier sentence. everything's the same.

you may ask, who's this Jesus and why is he so damn special that he can help us wipe away our past, present and future wrongdoings?

want to know? ask anyone of your christian frens, im sure you know at least one of them. anyway, i'll wirite that next time. =) coz there's so many things to write bout him. =)

note: its hard to forgive the ppl that hurt @ betray you. i wont deny that..but rely not in your strength but on God.
its hard but it can be done.

and if ppl whom are too dissapointed with this news, and think..

" wa..if pastor like that also can succumb to all this kinda drama and addiction and all, what chance do i have?''

you do have chance, alot in fact. like i've said, he's a human. but he's forgiven. humans being humans, would like to talk bout it and all..judgin ppl and all. but if your discourage, dun be..if you are fammiliar with one of a stories in the bible, even if your not, its alrite. in one of the many records in the bible..even the famous, most close to God in the Old testament which is King David, he also did sumthin really 'naughty' and end up murdering sumbody. more info bout this story, check out " 2 samuel chapter 11,12) in short, King David saw a beautiful women bathing and she's married. appt her husband was working for the King. the king ask her to be sent to him and he slept with her. and yea, shucks..she got pregnant. so king david wanna conceal it by asking the husband of the lady to go back home ( he was working outstation, in lay-man's term) but he was indeed a loyal servant. the king wants him to go back so that the husband could have sex with the wife and...tadaa! she's pregnant (which, actually its the king's child in her) but he was a loyal servant and he thinks that he must finish his job ( like over time lol) so he did not slept with his wife. then king david ask this guy to go for war and put him in the 1st line( sure die wan..last time war...the 1st in line is a doom line weh) indeed, he mati lo. and the story goes on..read yourselves la. din have bible, borrow la..lol

anyway, what im trying to prove that, even king david, in high favour of God aso GG..so all other ppl sure die dy la?
no. coz God's mercies are new every morning. ( heck, i keep thinking, thank God Jesus were born b4 me..so that i'm forgiven and all punishment was taken by Jesus, my saviour so that i could be blameless in the eyes of God..coz if we're still in the old testament, we havent got the direct connection with God coz we are sinners and GOd is perfect. so there's a gap but Jesus closed that gap for us. =) arent that great? we could talk to God normally not like the ancient times where even priests( in olden times they were called priests) have to tie ropes to their own ankles when entering the Temple of God ( church) coz if they think anything that is unclean, WHAM! they're dead. that's how powerful God's presence is...lol..imagine goin for a prayer then suddenly struck dead coz your think sumthing that is not appropriate during at the time. thank God Jesus had change that, coz i think i wont get to survive that during the ancient times befor Jesus was born and died for my sins..=P

Saturday, August 16, 2008

issues of being single.

yes.

to ans fren's questions.

my fren said that she's not single anymore. super damn happy. and she asked me. i said im not anymore. and she kept saying..why always im with sum1 and then ur not..its so opposite..why is that and blablabla..

i said i decided to be single. she was shocked.

yesh, shocked. why is it so freaking shock that i want to be single?

she asked why. i said coz i wanna to meet more ppl. she lagi shocked. she ask me if im bored of the r.ship.

fuck, no. in my mind of course. i din want to swear with this gurl, she's too sweet natured to be polluted with this kinda language.

is being single a crime or an offense the the nations?

then she want to really know 'why' i broke up.

i repeat it again. i want to meet more ppl to broaden my horizons.
she did not really understand why. most ppl dont.

i am not ready for a commited r.ship.

im scared. im scared of people controlling my social circle. my life. my freedom. im too egoistic to let anyone get hold of me. imagine a cat being cornered. the more u feel threaten, the more u want to run. i havent found a guy that can retain me.

this is what i've found a year ago:

i say i love you, but you say you want more freedom.

why is freedom more important than love?
without love, freedom is naked. why love cant live with freedom? why is love the prison for freedom? how many people live in freedom prison then?

(xiao lu gou, 2007)

well...i think im one of them living in freedom prison then.

note: this applies to human love..well, God's love is so much the opposite. God's love is FREEDOM.

haha..updates... =)

hahaha..its been so long.....>_<

updates so far...

1. i got a job!

hahaha...yeash..to those who ask me if im still shooting...yesh yesh but this is another job.
now im working as a partimer in a store that sells outdoor clothing and gears. the shop's called LAFUMA..no its not under PUMA...Sweat,LOL...it a brand by itslf. so hint hint..anyone wants to go Mount Kinabalu or other outdooorish stuffs...come find me ooo...LOL... the shop's in Bangsar by the way. =)

2. i'm allowed to go for expedition!

ahahah...yesh, shi wei..im so happy!! =) after dinner today at YUZU, The Gardens ( they have superdelicious KOBE beef there..just rm 88 for 100 grams..and super tasty...LOL..) i've talk to my dad bout it...yea..he did rattle bout how dangerous is it with my Asthma condiiton and all...but i got the green light!!! yay..but dun be too excited bout it, esp. kar lye..lol i still nid to fun raise alot of $$ to go...sob sob.

3. i've bought sports bra...LOL

okie....its been so long i want to buy but i lazy and i duwan to use my own money..so my dad after dinner went in to a Nike shop..and the rest is HISTORY..i bought two..LOL =)

4. i realise i am able to finally do what i really want in my life rite now.

i want knowledge, freedom and experiences. i want to do everything that i want to do now. they're loads of stuffs that i've not done yet..thanks, National Service..LOL...coz that made me realize that i have alot of records that i've havent personally break. i've managed to achieve sumlast year..and im looking forward to achieve sum this following year.

5. erm..nothin much then.

yea...thats all my updates from now...i just think that my blogs are getting much more boring than ever...hm.. i have alot of things to share about but its kinda long and im not really free to write everything...hm hm hm...lazy bum am i..lol YODA speaking.

and not to mention, LAMER..what the hell..YODA?

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Angel Kid's home..=)

hahha..today's shedule was super packed!

one of the main events for today was to bring 14 kids from Angel's KIds Home to a day trip to Petrosains. we've been planning for weeks now..and finally it come to pass..LOL

it was so fun...! the day start as to gather at the kids home to fetch the kids to klcc, then reach there..then we went in..play stuffs...most of the time...i was super damn worried bout the kids...scared they're lost, sick...hurt..bla bla bla..coz i was suppose to the so called co organiser for that event..i was so nervous until the day b4 i was having nitemares that one of the kids were missing and all! lol... however, by God's Grace, everything went well. =)

then fetch them back to their home..then chat with them..then leave the place bout 5pm..fetch my sis from fren's hse, then went back home. then after dinner..rest..then went out to Bangsar mistakenly then end up in MIdvalley at 9pm. lol...suppose to meet a fren there. he came back from singapore.


to be continue...fren got prob.