drinkin nite.

last nite, had a fight with mum n sis. then made up.

then went out to kaki corner with wayne, hock ann n eu jin.

end up eating escargots, drinking beer.

then end up in eu jin's hse, open malibu and bacardi. drinking all nite until im tipsy. sent back home, cried till i sleep.

yeap.

wedding? what the F?

as i was logging in, i opened msn, and i saw sumthin really funny.

The Best Wedding Proposals of 2008
Compiled by Anja Winikka.

then i was like.."hmm..sumthin to read about"
then there was this, my favourite ones.. *hehe

these are like really cute n original and its simple. like this one..*ahh...~



Story Book Proposal
"He took me out to dinner, and afterward we went to Barnes & Noble. We meandered over to the children's books section to pick up a few Christmas presents, and then he pulled a little red book off the shelf and said, 'Oh look, what's this?' The book was called, Fun with Emily and Jarrod, kind of like a Dick and Jane book, but instead, it was the illustrated story of our relationship. He read it to me, and at the end, the 'Jarrod' in the book had a pressing question to ask the 'Emily'...and he pulled out the ring and proposed! The last page of the book said, 'The beginning...'"



The Right Words
"He took me to a local rose garden to play Scrabble. It was a travel Scrabble board where the letters stick in place, so when I opened the board and saw letters already in place, I thought, I don't think we were in the middle of a game. I took a second look, and saw that he had spelled, "Laura, will you marry me?" When I looked up at him, he was on his knee holding out the ring. We haven't taken the letters off of that board since."


others is like, really..only rich ppl could do it...for example..

Swimming with Dolphins
"On Valentine's Day we found ourselves on a small island just off of Paradise Island swimming with the dolphins. They did the cutest tricks: danced with us, kissed us, and dove to the ocean floor to retrieve 'presents' for us. James' dolphin came up with only a pebble, but my dolphin handed me a big white box, in which was my engagement ring!"

(comments: dolphins..hmm..if u have a rich dude)

Top of the World
"My dad had plans to fly to a business meeting in a helicopter, but things fell through and there was an extra seat, so he invited me to go up with him and my mom for a ride. We flew into the Rockies and were getting close to Fisher Peak when my Dad said, 'Hey Cas, what's that?' And there was Evan on the highest part of the tallest mountain holding a sign that read, 'CAS, WILL YOU MARRY ME?' My mom passed me a gift bag with a ring inside. It usually takes about four hours to get off of the mountain, but Evan was on one knee at our front door an hour later."

(comments: sweat la..top of the world, if u can have that load of money..pfffftttt...>_<)


still got many funny ones..dubbed by msn the worst proposal in 2007 (btw, picked sum, not all..)

Vegas, Baby
"I was eating lunch at my desk two weeks after starting a new job. Joe called me and asked if I'd like to go to Vegas with him that weekend and spend the rest of my life with him. There was no bended knee, no handholding, no eye contact, no kiss...I just said, 'Um, okay,' and he responded, 'Okay, love ya. Bye!.' Click."

(comment: both are stupid)

Showered With Love
"As I was showering, I saw him walk into the bathroom with his laptop in his hands. It was playing a romantic R&B song called 'Let's Chill.' He placed the laptop on the toilet and started dancing. I thought he was nuts and started laughing. He then proceeded to step into the shower with all of his clothes on. I shrieked, 'What are you doing?!' His response, 'Baby, I love you.' I shrieked back to him, 'I love you too, but get outta here. Your clothes are getting wet!' Then he slowly bent down on one knee, took out the ring box, opened it, and asked me to marry him."

(comment: ew!loser.)

Up High and Uneasy
"At the last minute, we decided to climb Snowmass Mountain in one day. It's a 14,092-foot peak and all the guidebooks say that it's a two-day hike. At the top, I plopped down on a giant rock. Travis came over and held my hand. I was so sick from the climb and the altitude, I quickly pulled my hand away and told him I thought I was going to puke. He took my hand back and said, 'Don't throw up, marry me.'"

(comment: ahahaha..this is funny!)

Déja Vu in Paris
"On our first night in Paris, Paul suggested we go to the Eiffel Tower. At the top, he reached into his pocket to dig out the ring, and I blurted out, 'I can't believe Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes up here. It's so ugly!' He didn't propose then. Before we left for the airport to return home, we were sitting in this garden behind Notre Dame. Paul explained he didn't really enjoy the vacation because he was so nervous, and then told me that he had tried to propose on the trip several times. I felt horrible and sat silent for a few moments before he said, 'I can't take it anymore!' and got down on one knee in the middle of the park and proposed."

(comment: this is actually funny and cute, but poor guy..=) at least she knows how much that guy loves her. ahahhaha)


ahahahaha...that was fun..*for me anyway..sigh. marriage..*shudders. boyfrens..*shudders..*hides inside blankets reads manga. =)

what i did on Christmas week.

ah..what i did yest.

i was depress, looking for chocos but not enough to satisfy me, so i swtich to foods.

met up with my mum's fren and their kids. (age 13, 11 and 9)

i was nervous on:

what to wear.
(seriously, ahahaha...i want to show a good example on what to wear and how to act..so its so freaking funny for my mum n sis seeing me trying on clothes more than i do on choosing clothes for dates. not like i go for dates anymore..but anyway.in the end, i end up in a miniskirt, a tank top, belt and flats. hm...the usual me..so why waste time picking, sweat rite? lol..)

what will i say to them:
(my gosh, i suddenly felt im sooo OLD! lol..duno what to talk about with them..the eldest want to watch Gossip girl..i dont know how to tell her that its a super bitchy show in a nice way..and when the lil 9 yearold boy start telling jokes, which is pretty funny! i cant shout, "what the Hell?" lol..so it was pretty awkward..lol..and loads more. when i look at them, they remind me of them..minus the IPOD and changgih handphones..=P they reminded me of me n my sis when we were growing up. we like to read books and all. =) so finally had sumthin in common about. i literally watch the three of them since they're in their mom's belly till what they are now. it was an amazing journey. im imaginning my frens next time having kids..! i cant wait! =)



sigh, i fell so old! in just lil more than two weeks..im old! twenteen...my fren once joke with me..lol

sigh.

life shits and happy stuffs.

many things happened. duno where to start.

there were sad times, hard times & more hard times. din really want to write about it..or just afaird of writing it heere and will offend sum ppl.

i just want to thank God for everything that i 've been through, even if it's a bad or a good one. i believe there's always a reason behind it.

im glad that i have frens that is always been there for me. Jesus, thank you for your endless support. and not to mention the 'angels' that he had sent for me. My parents, even they do not know what ive been through, since i dun want to burden them with my probs, i thank god for them by providing me things. Shi Wei, ur patience is 'limitless'..LOL..and im sorry for being an bitch and u choose to stick with me. *hugs hope to see you soon. Jakukurino..ahaha.. i wish you forever happiness with jon. Siew kwan, you ar! lol..*hugs action speaks louder than words. Mr Faith, ur singing annoys me but cheers me up everytime. ahahaha.. and others that stuck with me during this sem. and ainaa & danial. you guys helped me alot too! thanks for the dinner.. it was awesome..thanks. =)

hope to see everyone again on jan 8th!

stupid exam. damn stress now but not touching anybooks now..its goin to be christmas..! gimme a break =P

over and out.

Pressie!

sumthin that i did to destress..~

Merry Christmas! =)

the legend of candy cane

The Legend of Candy cane

Look at the candy cane- what do you see?

stripes that are red like the blood Jesus has shed for me and you.

white is for my saviour who's sinless and pure.

"J" is for Jesus, my Lord and Saviour, that's for sure.

Turn it around and a staff you shall see,

Jesus, my Shepherd was born for Me and YOU.


ah...all i want to do is drink cold milk and eat choco chip cookies... *smiling..and listening to my favourite christmas songs..one of them would be.."have yourself, a merry lil christmas~...


alrite! back to work! econs and CIB presentation coming up! >_<

crazy.

today is Wai Ai Lyn and CK's Bday..!

opps...past 12 dy...so it was yest.. =)

all the best in their future undertakings...!!

ahem...back to me. What A CRAZY day...not to mention a very tiring one.. =P


it all started on thursday 3rd Dec 08.

getting ready to do props for CF upcoming event..Christmas Event..but no one turn up for that day. ( kinda expected) waiting for other ppl to transport things to the great hall balcony. so waited at the balcony listening to the songs that i have in my handphone. so many songs reminded me of so many things, esp all the memories of NAtional Service all came back to me since the place (nottingham) kinda reminded me of NS..lol..

then God always provide. never fails. brought in people to help the props team to finish what that needs to be done. =) it even brought sum of us closer together as frens and im really thankful for their help..

we've finish the task until 1 and we went for mamak then TTS5 guys also came and join us..lol..it was funny..12 ppl with diff personalities all sitting together..it always amaze me that ppl can be so different..

went back uni, packed up and went to the Sentinal..lol then let the games begin..!! unfortunately, the connection were not good, so in the end we kinda end up splitting the group and were force to play with AIs instead of ripping each oher throats in DOTA. lol..im happy coz i've found sum gurls other than Shi wei and Alice to play with so in the future, maybe the three of us and a couple more could form a team to enter sum competition! LOL...with lots of training and experience of course...LOL..

anyways, after an exausting game (learning to use Lina Inverse after learning to play Lich King) i was so tired i bunked into wei mein's bed. while sleeping , i still could hear Wei Mein and Bolwin's voice, which is very very loud..! lol..i think about and hour or so..they woke me up and asking me to dress for climbing Broga Hill. All of us did not sleep but decide to climb broga hill. excellent! lol..

the 8 idiots (me n the 7 guys) head out at around 5.30 am..with me and James driving. In my car, we blasted The Calling coz Faith tot it was the best substitute for Great Escape by Boys like Gurls. LOL...we trekked in and after i think about 40 minutes, we've reached the top. =)

the view was excellent. and we were in time to see the sun rise, then Frodo and Smeagel went up even higher while the rest of us were resting at our stop. we did crazy things, sing songs, shouted, running around, lol...what do you expect? 7 guys. supposingly this was a boy to men kinda activity, and im still wondering why im there. i have no good reason to be there..lol..no1, me not guy, no2, got assignemtns..lol. but i had fun admiring the scenery and the breeze. thus, because of 7 guys and a gurl. i was nicknamed Mabel and the 7 guys. lol..lame. after Frodo and Smeagel gayed, one of them fell and hurt himself..lol..then we climbed back dwn, showered, packed and head to a destinaiton for lunch. end up in metropoint KFC. Ck's bday so we planned to eat then bring him to Baskin Robbins..lol ordered two pints of ice-cream of his own choice of flavors; then let the fun begin..lol

each of us took turn to feed him with ice cream while he was blind folded..lol...which reminds me..( gary! Cj, James, i want the pics for today and all...=))

i had fun but there's things bugging me.

a msg for a fren,

dun get mad at me. im sorry. i still do not know how ive hurt you. please tell if u have a chance too.

that's my day. it was a gd morning. a blessed one.

funny..!

it was 4.47pm..stressing on my four assignments..in the library, sitting alone to concentrate...

then..i swtich on my iTunes and listen to songs...found 'estranged-itu kamu' and played it full blast!

lol...in my earphone of course..then i start mouthing the words, following the drum beats..imagine..in the library...i was enjoying the moment..then suddenly...i opened my eyes then i saw 6 guys surrounded my table, and the word i shouted was..."WAT THE HELL?" then the group laughed..and the ppl in the library ''shHHhh...-ed me..'' lol....

so funny...alot of engineering ppl stress coz at 6 pm today they're gona have their 1st test this sem...lol...

thankful.

so many assignments, social commitments, events...ahhh..


although assignments are nearing their deadlines...event when props team are having problems..even i have to attend burfday parties and meetings..

God, thank you for:

always being with me.. =)

-despite the storms in my life, however big or small..he is always there with me through words. the power of the word and worship.

sending angles to teman me eveywhere i go..

-sumthin awful had happened in my uni...4 of my uni ppl got attacked by ppl with machetes. one died in ICU. accident, appt the story was like this, the guys where in the wrong place at the wrong time. and it happened in broad DAYLIGHT. 12 o'clock...sigh, anything could happened in anywhere. despite me driving around uni and semenyih at 3am-4am ish...nothing happened and i thank God for this.

sending great frens to cheer and de-stress me..the pick me up when im down.

-great supporter and frens..if i could name everyone, i would, but i couldnt coz there's so many ppl..all i could say is..i love each and everyone of them.

funny, it made me laugh.

( me, jac, alice and shi wei...LOL)



( thats me FYI...LOL)



( caveman and tanya thang scandal pic)




( faith the caveman)




(wen shan the alien...*eeek)



hahaha...im fine guys. coping..think nothin else but assignments.. =) thanks. *hugs

btw, this pics make me laugh..

instead of pain, laughter keeps alive. =) not to mention the frens...=) thank you.

my prayer

damn lucky today.

my pendrive lost by a friend.

my car got knocked by a friend.

weeeEee~

this is my prayer to You O Lord.

Forever by Fireflight

Sometimes I feel so cold
Like I'm waiting around all by myself
Loneliness gets so old
I'm in the lost and found sitting on the shelf
Been stuck for way too long
But I hear Your voice
You're who I'm counting on

Oh, tell me You're here
That You will watch over me forever
Oh, take hold of my heart
Show me You'll love me forever

I know that You can tell
When I start to let my hope fade away
I need to catch myself
Open my ears to hear You calling my name
Been fighting way too long
But I hear Your voice
You had me all along

When I'm starting to drown
You jump in to save me
When my world's upside down
Your hands, they shake me and wake me

trojanised..!

class not much, but assignments pilled up like hell.

spent two whole days to search for sources for my individual report..saved insde pendrive coz i've used lab computers. [ i forgotten to bring my laptop adapter to uni. so i nid to use bloody comp labs computers.] Lab COMPUTERS all have AIDS..lol...

my pendrive got contaminated, i put into my maccie..and guess what? maccie got sick. part of the pendrive. unecessary folders multiply...important folders when i click, it play hide n seek with me. i was in the library, was lauging so loud people were staring. i was so damn frusfrated. luckly Danial was there, he took my pendrive, stuck it on his laptop and determined to help me clear away the virus using his kapersky...it worked..im so happy..thank god for him... =)

i think i should buy sum protection for my maccie. although i like the new maccie [jon helge, watch out! im goin to kidnap ur new maccie... LOL =P ], this maccie will always be my 1st ever maccie. =)

in short, my datas were recovered and i am able to do my asignments again. =) thank God.

last sunday, i went for this 101 mall basketball street challenge, and my team mates consists of Shi Wei and Mabel Tan. Mabel's studying Master's in finance in NOtts..she's a fren of Pat. i learned alot during the competition. and i enjoyed the game. =)

although we manage to get 4th place, im happy..=)

Christmas is near, and CF notts is having sumthin..so stressful, so many things to brainstorm, so many things to settle..

need to find people to help me on props and hall decorations. (WEN SHAN, JOSEPH, SHI WEI, ALICE, MAGGIE)
and i need to find the actors and all...argh...plots...argh...ideas..ideas...draining all my brain...
not to mention there are so many meetings to attend, from basketball club to christian fellowship to Raleigh INternational..

my assignments are pilling up..sigh..all due on the month of sept.


STATUS:

ENB individual report. ( SOurces all available, ready to type) IMPORTANT!

ENB group project. ( design using google sketch) NOT-SO IN THE MOMENT..

CIB group project. ( exibition hall design have to finalise, interior have to design, website wallpapers and links finish searching, type the extra ideas) IMPORTANT..

SO essay . ( waaaaa....READ READ READ!!!!, find people that critise the theory) HIGH IMPORTANCE!

ECONS essay ( GOD..help me....SEARCH for DETAILS...) NOT-SO-IMPORTANT IN THE MOMENT..

INdividual status?

3 hrs sleep...fainting.

gnite!..wait...gdmorning..=/

MABEL KUAN PEI WERN!..ganbatte!!!! tomorrow got maths test...every thursday...argh....>_<

basketball tournament...

ahh...scared.

lol..seriously.

self conversation.

suddenly so emo ler.. i miss my frens back in KL...

ah... cannot, must do work.

today got basketball aso..looking forward to it. yest i played frisbee and hurt my thumb and wrist.

now sitting alone in SA trying to do work while waiting for my other frens finish their meeting.

pathetic right? talking to myself using blog, since no one is there for me now. *sad smile.

Mabel Kuan Pei Wern, GANBATTE yo!

japanese names =)

hmm...hibiki and sadaharu..

hahaha..now's my turn to really translate some of my fren's names..lol

my name is

Mabel Kuan Pei Wern, is...

Maberu kuan pei uerunu
(rōmaji representation)

(katakana representation [used to write English names])


(hiragana representation)


Shelly Woo Shi Wei in Japanese is...

Shiruri woo shi uei
(rōmaji representation)


(katakana representation [used to write English names])


(hiragana representation)


Alice LIew Si-Qi in Japanese is...

Arise riebu shiki
(rōmaji representation)


(katakana representation [used to write English names])

(hiragana representation)


Merissa Chan Yi Shan in Japanese is...

Merisusa chin ii shinu
(rōmaji representation)

(katakana representation [used to write English names])


(hiragana representation)


Rachel Law Wai Ching in Japanese is...

Rachiru rabu wai chingu
(rōmaji representation)

(katakana representation [used to write English names])

(hiragana representation)


Ivy Leong Kwang Wei in Japanese is...

Your Japanese name, translated from Ivy Leong Kwang Wei, is...

Ibi reongu kuwangu uei
(rōmaji representation)


(katakana representation [used to write English names])


(hiragana representation)

wah..so tiring...this is how far i can go..lol nid to go do sumthin more beneficial to my Assignments... =)

one more just for laughs...guess who's name is who's... =D

Fungu uei mienu!!!

bwahahahaha...uei mienuuuuu...

Fuifukoo

ahahaha...

Jamesu reongu karu reongu

ahahaha...

Gari fuo

ahaahahah....

Chia chingu kuanu

ahahhaaha....

Jakukuerine wongu iin fungu

ahahaha..so long wan..

emotions.

its just emotions taking me over, caught up in sorrows, lost in a song, if you were come back, come home to me darling, nobody left to whisper, hold me tight, there's nobody left to kiss me, hold me tight, gnite , nite , nite.

Christmas on October.

its..3.40am.

and im listening to Christmas songs..lol.

when i listened to the song, "have yourself a merry lil christmas"

chatting with Van, Shih Chung and Joseph..ahh..damn emo la.

i left my handphone on mun yee's car..ahahaa...shit.

i love indie jazz. =)

fcuked up me.

fucking my own life enough. why do i involve others?

everything is my own doing.

i wish to be alone. i want to do my assignments.

let me fuck my own life.

i dont deserve everything every guy that crossed my path.

go, go away before i fucked up your life.

random-nya.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

What Kuan Pei Wern Means

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.(ahahaa...yea..i got alot of ppl telling me i got LC face..but its my face!! T_T sad..face prob.lol)

You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. (wah..this is so wrong weh..lol..i got LOtsa worries.)
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. (what luck? bad luck ar? bwahahaah)

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. (yea..but im not a perfectionist, only on certain situations or circumstances)
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. (ahaha...quite true with the imaginative part..lol..)
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. (i am very paranoid, jealousy..yea)

You are influential and persuasive. You tend to have a lot of power over people.
Generally, you use your powers for good. You excel at solving other people's problems. ( but i cant solve my own bloody probs)
Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest. (yea..i admit sumtimes i do)

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. im quite cold sumtimes..not always warm)
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. (when im flaky, im sugar-high! XD)

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. (yea..true true)
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. (this explains everything...*sigh)
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. (procrastination? not really my big prob, so not really true.)

You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. (then why do i always broke my own? bwahahahahaa..damn farny la.)
You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it.
You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! (sweat..lol...)

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. ( very true? esp the ''people cant handle me" im a tyrant..lol )

GG-day.com (this is for you, Gary! bwahahaha)

ahahaha..look at the name and i started laughing.

its been long i laugh so much. i really laugh till i cried that day. =D

it was thursday
as usual,very thursday i have Quantitative MEd which oni students that are weak in maths suppose to take. so, among my frens and coursemates, im the only one that is taking in my group of frens. not that its bad, it actually quite ok since i get to do revision and preparing myself for the next QM 2a next sem. in this module, we have to take 8 tests that consists of 20 percent of our overall percentage in this module..so every week starting from last week, i have tests on thurs. my frens majority of them had to take Business Law a..secretly..i rather take that sub coz numbers is not my thing..im more of a word person. =)

after the test, which we were tested on logs and index is it? yea...it suck.. i dun like logs. uhh.. later i went to sports complex and decide to have a go on the punching bag again.. =) but its occupied by a guy.. =( so i end up in the ping pong room watching Farrah and ALice practicing for their competition. the winner app get to represent uni.. cool..=)

so after that, i went jogging..around the lake. this reminded me of my previous roomate,(I1b59c, i will always remember =)) VANESSA..god. i miss her. T_T she's in Manchester now. she always jog in the eve..that time i was super lazy to jog but on thurs i had a sudden urge to jog so i went. after jogging for 2 rounds around the lake, i bumped into Jhen then we had a long chat..we should do that sum time again, Jhen. =) it was nice talking to you. ( im here to talk when u nid to) =) gurlfrens are forever.

then forgotten about the time! suppsoe to go to CK's house for steamboat...!!!! =)))
then rush back to my room and showered and wait for shi wei and alice.. =) of we go..
eat eat eat. the guys are good in cooking, i must admit.. LOL..then ate, socialise, then clean up. Gary went to watch movie with another group of frens so we kept sum things for him and other things is waiting for him too..cut the story short, he was drenched in water as we bombared him with water and all..lol he was force to take a shower only to eat while we watch sum british movie together with the rest of the people. it was freaking funny, i love british humour..LOL

after the movie, i drove back to uni and drop of shi wei and alice since they were tired. then i head off with a bunch of crazy people to warung..lol then makan and drink again...wa..goin out with them sure super fat weh...LOL mental note..JOg more from now on..LOL i've forgotten how crazy it was to hang out with a bunch of guys for a very long time. then we head back to their house again then this time we had a settlement with Faith, wei en and me since we're all illegal temp occupants..lol to conquer a sleeping bag, mein's blanket, pillow, and bed. (also him..but he's not really an 'Hot item' for this challenge..LOL) XD

In the end, FAith won the sleeping bag, i won the bed and wei en won Mein...LOL..JK la..LOL) the funniest thing was Gary was addicted to the word DOT COM after the Dota Championship..btw, they got 2nd.lol...win money weh..aw.. so everything he say must end with dot com..LOL really funny...XD so as we were deciding who's getting what item by a game of Chor Dai Di..and Mein asked us what were we playing since he was busyin himself by mopping the floor and gary replied him...we're playing Chor Dai Di DOT COM bugger, Mein tot its a new online game or sumthin..LOL..and he ask how to play, we were stone for a moment and we all burst out laughing. if ur there, it'll be funnier. XD

after that we started our Dota session with the Dota championship guys, damn pressured weh..lol. but in the end we end up playing with AIs.. so its not so bad..lol..insane players. halfway thru we got DC-ed then we have to start all over again..it was sad coz when it DC-ed, i almost pawn that bloodsucker..aloneee....my personal victory...arrrr...lol..then we restarted. later, all went to sleep. except for James. we slept at 5AM or i think its only me..i bunked on the sofa even though i got the room. personal reasons.. i dun wanna sleep in another guy's room for now anyway even though its nothing. it just unearth painful memories and also sumwhat of a phobia.

so Ah Seng aka Faith aka small boy (hm..if ppl dun know must think he's really small size..lol..he's freaking tall for a young kid like him!) lol..and me and james even he's not considered sleeping slept in the living room. james is more like sentinel..lol. armed with Mein's jacket, pillow ( he gave, i din curi! T_T) mein's blanket..(wah..macam Mein's item ambassador like that..lol) and also..Ck's blanket ( i ve only notice when i woke up) i embrace the dawn's cold. it was super warm..but they were freezin their butts off..LOL ( cant help but laugh at this since Mein was complaining)im a sadist..but Guys, ur hospitality was AWESOME thank you all so much..i felt better.

woke up by james at 7am. groggily sat and chat with him about things. opened that wound again. but after that conversation, i felt much better now. sigh* eventually, time will heals itself, but as Kee Aun say Scars will form even if time heals the wound but i shall endure it. then say all goodbyes, i headed back to campus and showered and get ready for class.. fyi, i slept thru the whole lecture, and the lecturer himself said, " im sorry if my lecture is boring, i hope the next chapter that im presenting would be more interesting.." well.. not at all..! LOL

-ilnimf-

dota championships.

sum cc near semenyih near my uni had dota championship tournament..lol...and me and a bunch of frens went to see our group of frens play.

so chun weh...lol...i wish i could play like that..our frens made it into the finals and im happy for them...=)

last time they played with me and my frens..they trashed us kau kau without even concentrating..LOL..

nid to improve...LOL..

i made a lil promise to myself..im playing next year...=P

and at least win one game. =P

alice, shi wei? are you with me??? bwahahaahahahah..... >_<

drank and drove

upset.

i cant stand it anymore, drop by at 7 eleven, desperate for alcohol. bought and went back room and drank while listening to songs. then i DROVE.

i drove out to tts 5. cried and blur. missed a turn to tts 5.emo there with a bunch of frens.

then wanna dota, but to late.. talk to them. but reveal nothin to them.

then wait for jac to come back then drove back to uni.

found this in ash's blog..=)

Your Type is
ESFJ
Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging
Strength of the preferences %
33 1 38 11


Qualitative analysis of your type formula

You are:
moderately expressed extravert

slightly expressed sensing personality

moderately expressed feeling personality

slightly expressed judging personality

tagged by Joe.

1. What's the relationship of you and her/him ?

he's my primary skool fren. one of my close frens that i yam cha and drink aso..eh..so long dy..lets meet up weh. =/

2. Your 5 impressions towards her/him ?

always help ppl until forgets self, value frenship alot, nice, outgoing, raja rempit! lol...


3. The most memorable things she/he have said to you

"dun fucking think about him anymore la"

4. The most memorable things she/he had done for you

go out yam cha with me when im totally emoing..and drive me and wayne go clubbing on the way listening to Jason Mraz..LOL..love that moment while im make up-ing in the car..lol

5. If she/he became your lover, you will..

ask him to fucking stop smoking. =) i dont kiss faggots.

6. If she/he become your enemy, you will..

dun think i can be enemy towards this guy =)


7. If she/he become your lover, she/he has to improve on..

no smoking, care more bout himself abit more.

8. If she/he become your enemy, the reason is..

coz he, coz he..duno..LOL

9. The most desirable thing to do on him/her is ?

take all his ciggies and burn it.

10. The overall impression of him/her is...

helpful, but he ar..must learn how to enjoy life..think positive. they are many ppl hu love and care about him very much. like us! rite wayne? =)

11. How do you think the people around you feel about you ?

im very tempermental. they feel frustrated all the time i think. sorry ppl..

12. The character of you for yourself is ?

the corpse bride. yea..the dead bride.

13. On contrary, the character you hate of yourself is ?

self destruct when sumthin good happened. very persimist type of ppl.

14. The most ideal person that you wanna be is ?

Jesus. wa..far from it weh..but..then..he's the man, man.

15. For the people who care about you and likes you, say something about them.

i duno why u all still can tahan me. im such a bitch and asshole all the time. they are the most geng ppl that i know..coz they can tahan me. T_T

Ten people to tag [according to alphabetical order following my link list]

1. Alice
2. Rachel Law
3. Shi Wei
4. Swee Loo
5. Jonan
6. Ivy
7. Jezamine
8. Yaw Kwan
9. Celestia
10. Jhen


Who is no.2 having a relationship with ?

Edwin lo...lol...=)
happy la..both aso my gd frens..


No.3 is a male or female ?

she's my babe =P

If no.7 and no.10 were together, would it be a good thing ?

wa...tim will kill her..lol..anyway..if in frens term...sure talk alot wan..


How about no.5 and no.8 ?

wa..gays meh..duwan la..>_< yaw kwan gf will kill him..lol

What is no.1 studying about?

FAM..LOL...finance, accounting and management.

Is no.4 single ?

duno...maybe?

Say something about no.6 ?

hey ivy...! mwiss you..wan go shopping and gurl talk? =)i nid ice cream.. =D

Raleigh Kuala Lumpur

hmm...i must be crazy.

thurs is my last day of class. friday i went for Raleigh Kuala Lumpur Intro Weekend as a staff member, helping out by facililating some of the games. it was awesome but tiring. challenging and frustrating but worth while. =)

i met so many diff types of ppl. Observing them was my hobby. God is really the greatest designer. =)

sunday came back, all tired and dirty. din even have time to go back and sleep at my own bed in my house then have to shower, pack and drive back to Nottingham. =/

during the time, i did not notice that my ankle was swollen until the second day. i had water retention in my leg and it was numb and irritating as i cant move as fast as i can. =/ i also did cut my finger while cooking in the jungle. LOL.
now my fourth finger on my right hand, the knife cut through the nail. so i din play frisbee for this week. aww...T_T

i got attached to Frisbee and the people. i like them alot, thats why i keep hanging out with them. =)

so far ive sign up for frisbee on monday, basketball on tues, Christian Fellowship on weds, thurs is for myslf and my frens...DOTA. LOL..basketball aso if i havent go back. =)

assignments alot..! 3 assignments are all individual work..and one group work..! sigh..self control very much needed. >_<

and not to mention other activities like raleigh and youth.

busy busy busy..>_< but its good. so i dun nid to think so much on other things..hm.

heart of glass.

pain as it is.

it canot compare the pain that came from my heart.
how fragile the heart is! it felt like breaking.

it was me holding the glass. i dropped it. it smashed to the ground.
i tried to pick up the pieces. i cut my hand one by one. painfully picking up every single one.

melt it. to try to form a new one. try to give it to you.
with a glance, you took it and smash it again.
this time, its was not only yours that was broken. i was mine too.

im sorry although apologies are not a cure for mistakes,
it cannot change situations, but i pray that it would change your mind.
i could only pray for forgiveness.
i respect your current decisions. so i am leavin everything to God.

doctor.

last chance. dad orders.

i have to go to the doctor..lol

when to the doctor. for those who did not know, i was having really bad fever..39.8celcius..

when the doctor told me, i was laughing. then i had an injection.

app i was suspected to have denggi. pray that i dont have. hope not.

need to wait for my fever to subside. how many brain cells have i burnt?hope not that much. =/

two more days, if i still have fever, i nid to have blood test. argh..i hate blood.

(revised version!)guys point of view from an email from shi wei..thank you.. =)

From a guys point of view:
We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room
and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.

We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. (will take that as a reminder ! =))
Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you. (noo...dont..please continue the compliments to gurls!..)
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open. ( love gentlemens..)
Take Advantage of the mood im in.

LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it. ( guys, you score if u do this! =) )
It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'

Kiss us when no one's watching. (haha..when we have the mood, we'll do)
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. (for gurls, generally..if other gurls saw this..that ur kissing in from of ppl looking, most of that gurl will be called a bitch..coz its like showing off)

You don't have to get dressed up for us. (but we love to get dressed up for our man.. =P)
If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the

need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are. (sweet~!)
Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
Or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.

Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing.
See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily. (depending on our mood and the things to joke about u know)

Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for that.

Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'.
I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with 'Hey handsome!' instead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy' or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand im not sayin i wouldn't like it either.

Girls: I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE.> DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you' ..........AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

ungrateful

when people wants to live, i want to die.

my fren's nephew passed away because of brain tumor..
how can i be so ungrateful when God has bless me everyday..
that i can see a new day every day?

forgive me lord.

yee xiang, rest in peace.

psalms 51

Sick but feeling more alive than ever
staring at the ceiling
wondering what life would be
if i could turn back time
back to the time where i could change things
then things wont end up the way it is now
the time when i fell
i nearly died
but why cant it happened?

what is my purpose of still being alive to this day?
pondering in my heart
i know God has a purpose for me
but i have been very disobedient
Lord, change my heart
make me new
wash me clean O LOrd
and embrace me with Your love
it is the only thing i want now.

Psalms 51

have mercy on me, O GOd
according to Your unfailing love
according to Your great compassion
blot out my transgression
wash away all my inquity
and cleanse me of my sins

for all i know my transgression
and my sins is always before me
against You, You only, have i sinned
and done what is evil to Your sight
so that You are proved right when You speak
and justified when You judged.
surely i was sinful at birth
sinful from the time my mother have conceived me.
surely You desire truth in the inner parts
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

cleanse me with hyssop, and i will be clean;
wash me , and i will be whiter than snow.
let me hear joy and gladness
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
hide Your face from my sins
and blot out all my inquity.

create me in a pure heart, O God.
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
do not cast me from Your presence or take Your holy spirit from me.
restore me to the joy of Your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to
sustain me.

then u will teach transgressors Your ways,
and sinners will turn back to You
save me from bloodguit, O God
the God who saves me
and my tongue will sing of Your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips.
and my mouth will declare Your praise.
YOu do not delight in sacrifice, or i would bring it;
YOu do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, You will not despise.

in YOur good pleasure, make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight You;
then bulls will be offered on Your altar.

Sobering.

the day when i woke up.

a voice told me not to be pathetic anymore. grab my guitar and worship till my heart is at peace.

i thank God for these things to happened, maybe its really for me to sober up and come back right with God.

went clubbing with church frens.( the irony of it..LOL)

frens to me to f***ing sober up. ( i'll try not to swear so much..trying..LOL)

its good for me to get stuck in uni for the annual CPR for CFs last fri and sat..

force me to sit and deal with God. im like a rebellious kid with God.lol..nvrtheless, He did not leave me. His mercy is Awesome.

''the prodigal kid''- lol...i've replace the son to the kid..lol..just so that it would fit me better..

im cutting down my alcohol intake already. trying..,
in a short time.. Stella Atornis, Bombay Sapphire, Gin and Tonic, Tiger, Punching bag, Guitar, Night, Darkness have been my temporary company..but now they're not anymore.


frens, thank You for sticking up with me even with my endless f***ing emoness...esp my roomate and flatmates, ed and jy..terence esp.

love you all soooooo muchies. cu all soon.

sadisticly happy.

that day that day, the other days,

messed up, fucked up, scared, guilt, pain, stabbing pain, sick, faint, emo, sad, cry, hurt, alone, loveless, angry, beer, alcohol, vodka, tiger, drive, speed, tears, fear, sleep, breaking.

it felt good, punching the punching bag until my knuckles bleed. i see blood, i laugh, i felt good, no more numbness, just pain. it felt so good, wanna cont punching but shi wei and alice stopped me when they saw me punching it again. my fingers and knuckles still hurts, it felt good.

my guitar is my baby now. play before i sleep, play after class. my baby loves me. probably the only one...and..yea..Jesus..lol..

yea. thats all.

the more i love anyone, i tend to hurt them..mum, dad, sis, frens..

dissapointment, pathetic fren, daughter, worst case gurlfren. LOL~

such resume of my life. wonder what God would say if im dead.

new sem

ahhh....sem start d...!

so hard...2nd day got 100 percent base coursework dy...3000 words...on hawthorn studies!

then dengan extreme-nya, financial accounting is...100 percent exam base?!

argh...shit shit shit...

so lil class...four days class but workload heavy sia.

everything is the same, but its actually not..so many things happened in foundation..as though its..just like a dream.

my fucked up story.

Lex

So happy,
we were,
lovers holding hands,
like there's nothin else in this world,
then there's an argument,
over sumone's love triangle,
oh the torment..!

what you've said,it seems like you're blind,
all the expectations,
i want to talk to u face to face, and stop arguing,
you've thought that i dont want you anymore.
you dun have the guts to tell me on the face but sms-ed me.
then you told our frens that i've dump you.


cookie monster

we were friends indeed,
hearing each other's thoughts and pains,
but unfortunately,
nothing was gain,
because you deserve more than me,

i've stayed away because i was selfish,
i did not understand you,
and my biggest regret is not trying hard enough.
i cant regret, regretting cant do anything,


there are times,i felt old because of the way i think, principles clashed.i am stubborn, and egoistic.
but the times when im with you are true.

but for this, i am willing to give up anything for the chance again.


i am a very selfish gurl, esp in relationships. how can i love others if im like this? i dont deserve anybody. i dont know how to love. what is love anyway? hahaha... pathetic lover. i follow too much to my emotions without thinking and end up fucking my life, and worst..others. save me, save me from myself.


for rooster,

you heard my story. dun be stubborn this time for once. dont pursue it anymore. im not worth it. and i dont want to include you in my list of the ppl i will or would hurt. im sorry.


of all the things that i've done. best for me now is to sit in the corner and study. and not get involve in any closer-than-frens-relationships.

tagged by RachL.

Answer the questions below, do a Google Image search with your answer, take a picture from the first page of results, and do it with minimal words of explanation. Tag 5 other people to do the same once you’ve finished answering every question.



1) The age you'll be on your next birthday. ( ahh..donut bday cake...sweet)


2) A place you'd like to travel ( places like Ireland and New Zealand)



3) Your favorite place. ( Islands..where no one could disturb you when ur with that special sumone or just with frens..=)


4) Your favorite food (Spanish Tapas!... >_< why oni got one pic oni..)


5) Your favorite pet ( its easy to rare, and they dont bite..=)


6) Your favorite color combination ( all colors combination!) =)


7) Your favourite piece of clothing ( i love denim miniskirts!)


8) Your all time favourite song ♫♪ Pink RAWKs..esp her new song..LOL♫♪ damn hot in this pic aso...=)


9) Your favorite TV show


11) The town you live ( in kl city, cant tell u much...hahah..malaysia's not only a ''jungle'' country..)


12) Your first job ( in bangsar..)


13) Your dream job ( to work for Square Enix (creator of Final Fantasy)as their animation character design artist..!)


14) A bad habit you have ( nap in the car...only when im at most comfortable state)


or most probably not napping...just...hehe..swearing...


15) Your worst fear (interpret it what u see)


16) The one thing you'd like to do before you die ( find my bestfriend aka husband aka lover..can i have three in one? )
wait..if i found him..i dun wanna die...lol




i tag: Swee Loo, Ash, Alice, Shi wei, Jonan, jhen..

Tagged by Ivy.

a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
c. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
d. Put any comments in the brackets after the song name.
e. Put this on your blog.

The questions:
1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” Atomic Kitten-Cradle..LOL( yea..i nid sumone to cradle after that open-my-heart-and-rip-it-apart conversation)
2. How would you describe yourself? Avril Lavigne-The best damn thing?! ( WTH)lol
3. What do you like in a guy/girl? Yuzo Hayashi-Mawaridasu Sharin (soundtrack from Honey and colver..honey and clover type of guys?)
4. How do you feel today? Yuki-Dramatic( Honey and CLover Opening theme, huh..the last things i wanna hear is the word dramatic...)
5. What is your life’s purpose? Kotoko-Princess Bride??! WTF?! ( no WAY...!>_<'')
6. What is your motto? Astrud Gilberto-The Shadow of your smile ( what?)
7. What do your friends think of you? Maroon 5- makes me wonder( hahahahhaha...true for mr.rooster oni ya?)
8. What do you think of your parents? Day After Tomorrow-My Faith ( what??)
9. What do you think about very often? DA PUMP-Rain of Pain ( i think about pain often?? hahhaa...sadistic)
10. What is 2+2? Rascal Flatts-Nothing (wow...so smart!) lol...coincidence...
11. What do you think of your best friend? Maroon 5- Wont Go Home Without You..( awww..)
12. What do you think of the person you like? Lifehouse- BLIND..(bwahahahahaha...gd one gd one!)
13. What is your life? Yuzo Hayahi-Shoshite,Aridasu ( find out urslf in jap..^^)
14. What do you want to be when you grow up? Maroon 5- Wake up call (means im sleeping all this while?? LOL)
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like? Aria the ANIMATION round table featuring Nino-Rainbow (aw...so colourful...he gave me colour when the sky is raining...or he came me the colour red..when im angry or annoyed by him?hmm)
16. What will you dance to at your wedding? Natalie Imbruglia- Be with YOu..( hmm...what a old skool song...LOL by the time im married..this song would be so old..LOL)
17. What will they play at your funeral? Yuzo Hayashi-Raison d'etre ( coincidently..its a organ musical..sumthin like dracula song..LOL)
18. What is your hobby/interest? Jason Mraz- Life is Beautiful ( hahaha..my interest is life..yes..in a way =))
19. What is your biggest fear? BBMak- Back Here (lol...back where?)
20. What is your biggest secret? M2M- Don't Say You Love Me (strange..this should be my biggest worry..)
21. What will you post this as? Take That- Rule The World ( what? dun make any sense..anyway..the whole blog dont..LOL)
22. What song would you play during your first time having sex? Natalie Imbruglia- Amelia ( what? threesome? lol...no la..this song i dun really like...can i shuffle it again? dun wanna play this song for my 1st time or whatever time is it..i wont play this...LOL)

haha..i cheated the last one..i wanted it to be...this song ~

Maroon 5- Nothing Last Forever.

i tag:

swee loo
shi wei
celestia
rach l


enjoy! =)

New.

New Phase of life.

starting degree next week..(*eekkk!!!) guess what? whole foundation in business..so farr..the ppl take enrol BA (HONS) BUSINESS ECONOMICS AND MANAGEMENT would be....tadaaaaa! me...SOb...yes...lilme.

new apartment, new room...no more excellent view on guys playing futsal or basketball anymore...SOB SOB...!
new roomate..aliceeeee! =)

new image, new look..dun give a flyin' f*** on what ppl say what i wear.

but same o attitude..

also..goin to get a new freelance job..including photography. and blog updating..and facebook updating. maybe also as a net trader..duno how much this company would pay me since they were the ones that called me.

im scared. so many things happened...hahahhaa..jus abit nervous..cant sleep..

i forsee that i would end up in deep shiat again..

cant get attached!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone slap me.

Favourites.

Indescribable by chris tomlin

Em Dsus/F# G G2
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Am Am7/G F
Creation's revealing Your majesty
Em Dsus/F# G G2
From the colours of fall to the fragrance of spring
Am Am7/G F
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
C2
All exclaiming

G Dsus
Indescribable, uncontainable,
C2 Em
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
C2
You are amazing God
G G2 Dsus
All powerful, untameable,
C2 Em
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
C2
You are amazing God

Em Dsus/F# G G2
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Am Am7/G F
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Em Dsus/F# G G2
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Am Am7/G F
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
C2
None can fathom

G Dsus
Indescribable, uncontainable,
C2 Em
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
C2
You are amazing God
G G2 Dsus
All powerful, untameable,
C2 Em
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
C2
You are amazing God

G Dsus
Incomparable, unchangeable
C2 Em
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
C2
You are amazing God
C2
You are amazing God

Ending of SummerBreak.

So many things happened..LOL...this is my 1st summer break..after looking back these 3 months..wow..

vast changes are..

Physically:
-my hair..lol..longer, diff colour..
-im wearing contacts..

Experiences:
many..this one..
-i went to aussie and experienced Melbourne city and the ppl around the city
-experienced winter..! ate Scones..went candy shopping! or shuld i say..Lollies
-worked..lol..so happy!
-clubbing around~
-raleigh-ing around =)
-made so many new frens from around the world.
-learn much bout mountain climbing and trekking
-picked back my drum skills.
-learn to earn sum money
-meet some really interesting ppl =)

hmm..things changed..i wonder how al my frens look like..sum even after NS..lol... *wink Wink..
is gd to go back to notts again, but im sure i'll miss the rooster. =p
i realy had fun from:

sunway experiences with shi wei, van and alice! =)
the curve,pavilion,maison,euphoria, with rence.
raleighing at Ara damansara, selling donuts..
lafuma blogging for bucks..
Aussie trip with Low family..( shucks..! the pics)

hahaha..cant wait to start.. =) cu nott ppls..!

irony

hm..

some wants to live, some want to waste it all,

at times i felt i'm in both situation at different times

condolences to Mr Chong.

life offers so much more..sumtimes i just dont see it.

welcome

I made this widget at MyFlashFetish.com.

so true.

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow



" Our biological physical life is from your parents; but it does not mean your life would be the same if you do nothing about it. you can lose your life that had be given to you by treating it indifferently, or you could leave your life by commiting suicide. You have to feed it and nurture it, but always remember that you are not making it but only to keep a life that you've got from someone else [parents, ever heard of Reproduction?] In the same context, Christian could also lose the Christ-life which has been put into him, and he is responsible to keep it. Even though the 'best' Christian that ever lived in this world is not acting by his own strength-he is only nourishing or protecting a life that he could never accquired with his own effort...if u cut a live body , and up to a certain degree,it would heal itself. a live body still gets hurt if you cut it, but in an extent, it can repair itself. In the same context again, Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, it is never perfect, but a man who is enable to repent and pick himself up and continue over and over again after each fall; because the Christ-life is INSIDE of him all the time, enabling him to repeat( in some degree) the kind of voluntary death which Christ Himself carried out. .."

(LEWIS, C.S, What Christians Believe,Harper Collins, 2005)

this is for Mike Guglielmucci.

Expressing myself.

no words can describe me from what im feeling right now.

the closest one was..i cant function properly anymore.

injuring yourslf physically is even better than frens hurting u emotionally.
trust me. i've tried.

if there is a hole or a corner that i could stay forever without hurting anyone's feeling, i would go there.

by the way, this goes out to the ppl that want me nonexistant...lol...yes..i knew there are many out there

im trying to achieve everything that i once wanted to do..so that when the time is right, yes. i would die. so then there's no hurting anymore. you wont get pissed off at me. you wont get upset at me, you wont even think i'll exist.

d day when i saw you. it was sincere smile and a hug. im sorry if your anger and hurt betrayed the sincerity that comes from me. you say that i am two-face. i cant disagree, coz i am not a perfect human. i knew that. and yes, however small my dignity was to you..i still have it.

the other part,it was a misunderstanding. i was also blinded by anger at the time when i met you with your boyfren. i was hurt. why cant u recognise me at all? im just saying this for my part. at least you would know how i felt. even if u dont care.

but the past is past,what i want to say is..i thank God for your beautiful life. that you have a boyfren that loves you so much and vice versa. frens in school that love you and will not betray you. family that will love you forever. a future family in law that also loves you so much. i pray that the happiness would not end after form 6 and all. i pray that you would have a blessed life. i thank God for letting me be your fren for the most of primary skool and also secondary school years. i pray that you would have a brilliant life ahead in your life. our frenship would part here, but i would always remember you as my fren. (or a fake fren to you)

im not writing all this to get ur forgiveness and all nor to get sympathy from people. this is MY blog. i am free to express myself as anyone else does.

tagged by Alice

tagged by Alice.. =)

Starting time : 1.58pm (shh..im at the workplace)
Name : Mabel Kuan Pei Wern
Sisters : One
Brothers : non blood relative, two.
Shoe size : 3-4.5 (damn small rite??)
Height : 156cm
Where do you live : cheras..
Favourite drinks : fruit juices, jasmine tea, milk, and bacardi, stella artornis, absolut vodka..LOL
Favourite breakfast : Scramble eggs! =P

Have you,
ever been on a plane : Yeap
Swam in the ocean : yesh! it was so best..lol
Fallen asleep in school : countless times..
Broken someone's heart : yesh..including myslf.
Fell off your chair : Nyea..did once..lol..in the lecture hall sumore.. >_<
Sat by the phone and waiting for someone to call : haha..i would hold the phone until i fell asleep..
What is your room like : tons of BOOKs..messy..i love my bed..=)
What's right beside you : cds, tissue box(flu la), cap( forgotten to put it back)
What is the last thing you ate : porridge..

Ever had ,
Chicken pox : yeap..when i was 8 i think..
Sore throat : Yea, now..lol
Stitches : i have 5 stiches on my eyebrows/eyes.
Broken nose : nah...thank God..lol i love my nose..=P
Do you : Believe in love at first sight : ah..i duno.
Like picnics : in australia i would. no ants and sandflies and mosquitos and flies..

Who was,
were the last person you danced with : terence.haha
Last made you smile : lets see..i forgotten..its been long ive smile.
You last yelled at : shi wei..lol..sorry..>_<

Today did you,
Talk to someone you LOVE : mommy
Kissed anyone : nope.
Get sick : i got sick yest for looking at the stars for 3 hrs outside the civil engineering site..lol..with jojo, shiwei and alice!
Talk to an ex : yeah..does msg counts?
Miss someone : yes.
Eat : yeap..lil but still ate.
Best feeling in the world : get to speak with God.. =)
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : yeap..i have super tons of them..LOL
What's under your bed : again...books..! lol
Who do you really hate : hate ppl like me.
What time is it now : 5.01 pm

5 things i was doing 10 years ago (hmm..i was..9 yrs old)
1. playing hockey.
2. playing chasing with the guys
3. dealing with eating disorder
4. fighting with ivan..lol
5. play badminton
6. cycling around with my frens
7. reading books..(some things dont change huh..lol)
8. dunid to study aso get good marks..lol
9. love spending my sat and sun with my parents...shopping!
10. no worries and all. =)

5 things on my to-do list today
1. drink lotsa water
2. eat
3. drink barley
4. blog
5. chat with christopher, my cousin bro.

5 snacks i enjoy
1. ice cream (CHOCOLATE or BOYSENBERRY...) yum yum*
2. famous amos cookies..~
3. apples..=)
4. Chocolates!!!!
5. then others depending on my mood..lol

5 things i would do if i were a billionaire
1. INVEST INVEST INVEST...LOL..bwahahaha..more moniessssss
2. charity work for kids and single mothers..set of places for them to work and live.
3. Travel around the world with my family and extended families and frens..=)
4. buy things that i cant buy now..lol
5. build a business empire..lol


5 of my bad habits
1. i swear alot, as in..ALOT.
2. i like to sratch my head while studying..lol
3. i eat alot.
4. i have very bad mood swings
5. i musttry not to stare at ppl with my killer stare when im irritated or angry.

5 places i have lived in
1. Cheras
2. University of Nottingham Malaysia campus Tioman Hall I1B59C
3. University of NOttingham Malaysia campus Tioman Hall I1B36C
4. oh yea..National Service 2nd batch, kem Miri, Miri..bravo quarters.
5. ah..thats about it..LOL

5 people i'm tagging is
1. rach L
2. Ivy
3. Jhen
4. Jonan
5. and anyone who reads my blog..lol

whoa.

giant ferrero rocher!

thanks kenny..cheered me up a lil =)

Giant Ferrero Rocher

enjoy.

Alive.

i want to run..run on to the fields..to the woods..to places that i dont know..

i want clean air..i want nottingham campus..

i want to feel the breez when i run..like im flying...

i want to play basketball with shi wei, alice n vanessa..

i love the feeling of rushed adredeline..

i want to punch the punching bag with alice n shi wei..

like i did when i punch till my knuckles bleed.

i want to paint shoes..

i want to draw again..

i want to play my drums and guitar..

and lose myself in music..my muse

i want to go back to kem miri, sarawak to kayak.

i want to be the watchwomen for the night in my NS camp to feel the breeze and watch the skies filled with stars.

i want to be back in kuala kubu, lie dwn on the road, to look at the shooting star..

i want to be in redang, hearing the waves crashin to the beach.

i want to be in redang, listening to God ask He speaks to me.

i want to listen to God speaking to me again.

i want to be in the rough seas, when God spoke to me, telling me not to be afraid.

i want to be in God's arms, when all things fail me.

empty.

in the dark,

whisper in the sky,

hoping that God would look at me in His eyes.

i wonder what does He see?

a speck of dust,

or wound full of puss?

although its not true,

indeed i know God love's so good,

but here am i still feeling blue.



my heart is hollow,

soon im afraid my mind would follow;

then were would i be?


oh yes, many people are around me,

cheerful sad or angry,

but why is my heart, so empty?


jonan, just because i have loads of frens, it don't give an excuse why i cant feel lonely.

happy father's day.

why does everything i do is not up to your standard at all?

like today's sis shopping for laptop. you were not there..u were working.

we search n found one, we're quite happy with it. but when u came back, only one comment that u gave.

'' Toshiba? i expected another brand..of all brand u all choose Toshiba?''

'' at least its not fujitsu..expensive and its not really gd based on your experience using it'' i've said.

and you gave me the look,

the look that always:

i was never too good for you.

i was borned a gurl. thats why grandpa n grandma dun care bout me. as though im just a shadow.

i was never pretty enough in your eyes.

i was never smart enough for you.

i was never a sweet and obedient enough as a daughter for you.

i was too head strong, too stubborn, but unfortunately i was not born as a boy.

i was never hardworking enough in your eyes.

in your eyes, i only know how to talk back. spend your money.

i got scholarship. you think the college is not gd enuf.

i spend 2 months to get scholarship in sumthin i wanted to do.

in two minutes, you objected me.

u put me in a uni that know im so confuse with my degree.

im so scared i would fail, fail to succeed in your eyes.

i love you dad.

but sumtimes its so hard to live in your expectations.

humans.

haha..today...

i went out of the house at 9am...went out till 11.45pm.

i went for two gatherings today..both is also farewell..

in the morn, went to midvalley to fetch shi wei n alice..and vanessa, the watak utama..LOL
she's goin to UK soon to study so we plan to go out with her for this special occasion..we decided to go to sunway lagoon. (pics will be in facebook soon) had fun...really enjoyed ourselves, even when the weather's quite bad. it rain really heavily and long, nevertheless, it did not dampen our spirits..lol after a few spins and a few dips and plunges...LOL..we finally went for this Scream park..cool..but nid lots of improvements..at a point..i laugh during the game. suppose to be scary..LOL..but the 3D tunnel was cool...!!! then we had dinner at T.G.I Friday's...lol..dissapointed coz dun have MOCHA MUD PIE..finished when i went there with them.. =(

then at nite..after sending my frens home, i went to O town again in tmn midah..man...im like a regular customer dy at that place, its convenient for me and my frens..since they all live in cheras...my highskool frens, that is.. then we chat and all...they're as lame as ever! lol...gonna miss all of them, esp suet lai, since she's goin back to russia this tues...=(

anyway, went back home then check my mails and stuffs, then kenny found me and chat with me. he gave me a news in Aust. (which reminds me, i havent replied auntie rose..shit...!)

Disgraced pastor Michael Guglielmucci a porn addict

THE father of disgraced pastor Michael Guglielmucci has revealed his son has been addicted to pornography since the age of 12.

Danny Guglielmucci – whose high-profile preacher son last week week admitted his two-year battle with cancer was fake – said the "severe addiction to pornography" was part of a bizarre double life his son had been leading.

Mr Guglielmucci, who established Edge Church International, an Assemblies of God church in Adelaide, said Melbourne-based Michael had made a full confession to his family about his past, including revelations about the 16-year porn obsession and the lies over his supposed battle with terminal illness.

In an exclusive interview with Adelaide's Sunday Mail this week, Mr Guglielmucci also revealed:

HIS son has been suffering "mystery illnesses" since the age of 12.

DOCTORS gave his parents the option of admitting him to a psychiatric ward for assessment as a child over the ongoing "illnesses", but they refused.

THE family's "absolute shock" at discovering Michael was not terminally ill.

Mr Guglielmucci said he and wife Sharonne – who founded Edge Church International with him – were struggling to comprehend what their son had done.

They are expected to address the church's Adelaide congregation today to explain his actions.

"When (Michael) rang me last Tuesday, I was on my way to New Zealand," Mr Guglielmucci said.

"He said, 'Dad you've got to come and see me'.

"I said to my wife, 'Maybe the doctors have told him he's only got a few weeks to live'.

"So we cancelled everything and jumped on the plane and went to see him in Melbourne, and that's when he told us the story.

"We were just in absolute shock and we still are. We haven't had time to get our head around it. He said, 'I don't have cancer. I've had two lives that I've lived'.

"His wife (Amanda), who has been with him for seven years, found out the day before we did and she's had no idea.

"Michael has had a severe addiction to pornography. The addiction to pornography started when he was 12.

"It's horrendous because we don't have that sort of stuff around. He was raised in a Christian home; we've never brought that stuff into our home."

Michael Guglielmucci was one of Australia's highest-profile Christian preachers, inspiring hundreds of thousands around the world as he performed his hit song Healer with an oxygen tube in his nose.

He was a pastor with Planetshakers, a Christian youth movement that began in Adelaide and has grown into an international ministry.

But that all came crashing down this week when his deception became public.

Mr Guglielmucci said his son finally confessed after the guilt of his lies and addiction became overwhelming.

"He lived the two lives and he would get sick as a result of the guilt," he said.

"He was feeling like he was letting God down, letting his family down, his church, his friends.

"He's been living this for so long, feeling like he's had these two lives and now he's the one that's come out in the open. He confessed it, he didn't get caught.

"To deal with the guilt he would pour himself into doing good work. He's touched the lives of young people all over the world. Now they are all affected by this.

"He hasn't done this for any reasons that have been portrayed that he's a fraud.

"It was either keep pretending or come out with the truth and tell everything. He's come out with everything but now we've got the consequences of it all.

"We have to accept it. We're hoping to share with our congregation how it all started and how it got where it is.

"We understand people's anger, we understand their questioning.

"There's so many questions.

"An addiction like this is not going to be fixed overnight. You can't have a 16-year problem and fix it in a week."

Mr Guglielmucci said his son was undergoing psychiatric assessment with Adelaide doctors.

"They have said to me that he is very ill. They are assessing where reality stopped and fantasy kicked in and what's caused all this," he said.

"The doctor believes that at times Michael was totally convinced that he had this sickness."

Mr Guglielmucci said his son had a long history of "mystery illnesses", starting in childhood.

"When he was about 12 he did vomit all the time, he'd get really really sick," he said.

"He was in the Adelaide Children's Hospital for seven weeks at one stage; he didn't eat and we thought we were going to lose him.

"They took out his appendix, thinking that it might be that, but they realised that it wasn't.

"They gave us the option of putting him in a psychiatric ward to see if there was something psychological but we felt uncomfortable with that at the time.

"We signed him out from hospital and then he would go a few months and then he would get sick again.

"We'd always take him to hospital; we'd always do the proper thing but they couldn't get to the bottom of it until now."

Mr Guglielmucci said he and his wife were in "absolute shock" to discover their son was not terminally ill.

"We have watched our son go through what we thought was cancer," he said.

"My wife and I, over the past two years, have watched him vomit in buckets, having nosebleeds, and even his hair fell out in clumps at one stage.

"Every time we saw him, we saw symptoms. He stayed with us for a while where we had to put a special air-conditioner in one of the rooms because he would heat up so much in the middle of winter.

"He had this cold air-conditioner blowing on him to try to keep the heat down. As a professional minister I've stood in front of my congregation and cried and said to pray for my son.

"I've travelled the world asking people to pray for him. Can you imagine what a horrible thing it would be if I was playing a game?

"To be honest, I ask myself as a father, 'What did I miss, what did I not do? What could I have done better?' "

Mr Guglielmucci said Michael's wife was "getting really good counselling".

"She's not made any decision at this point," he said.

"It's happened so quickly. There's so many questions."


hm...shocking is it? for most of the people.. now i could hear ppl saying..
''wahhh..pastor aso can be like that wan ar!!!" or..
" aiiyerr...what news is this, such disgrace!!''

yes. its true. its dissapointing but.

he's still human. yesh, he suppose to be more "in the line" since he's an elder in church..bla bla bla...
did anyone still remember what the bible talks about?

1. forgiveness
okey, he f***** things up. but do anyone remember bout forgiving each other?
uh, for other ppl's info. Christians are also HUMAN. humans sin. its in their nature but God sent His only son to Die for all of us( yea, You too) to pay for our sins. (yes, white lie is considered as a sin, no matter how ''white'' your lie was and yes.rape and murder is also sins. nop, we have no grades for sin ie. ''you lie to your gurlfren that her cookies are yummy (but actually its hard like concrete) is still a lie or '' i've murdered sumone'' is also a sin. there's no lighter sentence or a heavier sentence. everything's the same.

you may ask, who's this Jesus and why is he so damn special that he can help us wipe away our past, present and future wrongdoings?

want to know? ask anyone of your christian frens, im sure you know at least one of them. anyway, i'll wirite that next time. =) coz there's so many things to write bout him. =)

note: its hard to forgive the ppl that hurt @ betray you. i wont deny that..but rely not in your strength but on God.
its hard but it can be done.

and if ppl whom are too dissapointed with this news, and think..

" wa..if pastor like that also can succumb to all this kinda drama and addiction and all, what chance do i have?''

you do have chance, alot in fact. like i've said, he's a human. but he's forgiven. humans being humans, would like to talk bout it and all..judgin ppl and all. but if your discourage, dun be..if you are fammiliar with one of a stories in the bible, even if your not, its alrite. in one of the many records in the bible..even the famous, most close to God in the Old testament which is King David, he also did sumthin really 'naughty' and end up murdering sumbody. more info bout this story, check out " 2 samuel chapter 11,12) in short, King David saw a beautiful women bathing and she's married. appt her husband was working for the King. the king ask her to be sent to him and he slept with her. and yea, shucks..she got pregnant. so king david wanna conceal it by asking the husband of the lady to go back home ( he was working outstation, in lay-man's term) but he was indeed a loyal servant. the king wants him to go back so that the husband could have sex with the wife and...tadaa! she's pregnant (which, actually its the king's child in her) but he was a loyal servant and he thinks that he must finish his job ( like over time lol) so he did not slept with his wife. then king david ask this guy to go for war and put him in the 1st line( sure die wan..last time war...the 1st in line is a doom line weh) indeed, he mati lo. and the story goes on..read yourselves la. din have bible, borrow la..lol

anyway, what im trying to prove that, even king david, in high favour of God aso GG..so all other ppl sure die dy la?
no. coz God's mercies are new every morning. ( heck, i keep thinking, thank God Jesus were born b4 me..so that i'm forgiven and all punishment was taken by Jesus, my saviour so that i could be blameless in the eyes of God..coz if we're still in the old testament, we havent got the direct connection with God coz we are sinners and GOd is perfect. so there's a gap but Jesus closed that gap for us. =) arent that great? we could talk to God normally not like the ancient times where even priests( in olden times they were called priests) have to tie ropes to their own ankles when entering the Temple of God ( church) coz if they think anything that is unclean, WHAM! they're dead. that's how powerful God's presence is...lol..imagine goin for a prayer then suddenly struck dead coz your think sumthing that is not appropriate during at the time. thank God Jesus had change that, coz i think i wont get to survive that during the ancient times befor Jesus was born and died for my sins..=P